[Legal Snuff] Leon Kennedy, Jill Valentine and Billy Coen are all owned and copyrighted by Capcom Entertainment of Japan/USA, all rights reserved. Vincent Valentine is owned and copyrighted by Squaresoft, now known as Square-Enix. Krizalid is owned and copyrighted by SNK, whom all should love. That's right. I, Arekusu Ikari reside in the mind of one, Alex Fielding thus I belong to him. Mystery Science Theater is property of Best Brains Inc. [Alex's Opening Note] Seems like it's been forever, huh? Probably because it has. Leon is also significantly more badass after Resident Evil 4. [Lemon Warning] This story falls under the category of '(attempted) erotica' and it is suggested that those under their countries' legal age not view it. But if you're reading this, it's probably already too late. [Disclaimer] Blah blah blah. No personal attacks on the author etc etc. [One more MST, Ridge Racer!] In the way distant future, around Y3K, Arekusu Ikari and pals swapped places with the Resident Evil guys. Pursued by the nasty NESTs Cartel, just group of folks out to rule the world. In their secret bases below, they set their ambitions real high, Just to torture Arekusu and the other guuuuys! (Ikari: They...thought....WROOOOOOOONG!) (Krizalid singing) I'll send them crappy lemons, The worst I can possibly find! (la la la!) I'll make them sit and watch them all, To torture their weak little minds! (la la la!) (Normal Singers) Now keep in mind they can't control, When the fanfics begin or end, (la la la!) They'll try to keep their sanity, With the help of a few new friends (Survivor Roll Call!) Leon Kennedy! (Your right hand comes off!?) Jill Valentine! (Dirge of what now?) Billy Coen! (I'm a bit of a queen fan...) Vincent Vaaaaalentine! (Wait...what?!) If you're wondering how Vincent got here, And other science facts, (la la la!) Just repeat to yourself "Alex is taking a break! I should really just relax." ...for THIS TITLE IS NEVER CONSTANT 3000!! (BWAAAAANG!) [Door Sequence] Vincent is promptly teleported into Rebecca's place. Vincent: ...What the? Billy: That's what I'm thinking. Alex's voice: S.D. Perry makes me hate Rebecca, so I replaced her. Leon: Does that mean you'll hate me too if you read enough of those novels? Alex's voice: You wish. You're still my favorite badass. Leon: Damn. >Resident Evil 2: The Diner Jill: First person who says 'delicious flat chest gets it'. >By: Nemesis (nemesis_writer@hotmail.com) >URL: http://www.geocities.com/nemesis_writer/index.html Leon: We know the drill. 'Hi! This story blah blah blah'... >Notes: Hi! This story Leon: See? >is just for a quick idea I had. I know it is extremely short, but I'll have longer ones soon. >After this I'm going to begin on a trilogy of stories based on Silent Hill. I've also added a >lot to my website since last time, incase anyone wants to check it out. Hope you enjoy the story! Vincent: Do I even want to know what's going on here? Jill: You'll see. > ******* Leon: That rating is seven stars too many. >Claire Redfield raced into Raccoon City on her motorcycle. She parked Vincent: Whoa...back up. Women can drive? Leon: Ooooh...harsh. Jill: HEY! >outside a diner and slowly removed her helmet. She put the helmet down on >her bike and wiped a strand of stray hair from her eyes. Billy: No! Put it back on! You need your special helmet! Leon: We're being unusually harsh today. Alex's voice: Claire sucks. Jill for the win. Jill: ^_^ >"I'm finally here." Claire said to herself as she climbed off her bike and Jill: Was crushed under the weight because she forgot to put the kick stand up. >headed for the entrance of the diner. >Claire pulled open the door and walked inside. The interior of the diner Billy: Was covered in...BEES! >was quiet as Claire walked across the floor, looking to see if anyone was >around. >"Is anyone here?" Claire asked as she reached the end of the bar. Vincent: So a female protagonist, a male protagonist and an antagonist walk into a bar and the bartender looks up and says 'What is this? A joke?'. Jill: ... Leon: ... Billy: ... Vincent: ...What? >Claire looked around the corner and saw a man devouring a woman's body. Jill: Itchy. Leon: Tasty. Billy: Four Slash Slash. Vincent: I think I missed something here. >The man's skin was gray and peeling, blood was staining his clothing. Billy: Sounds like me after I played any of the Gun Survivor games. Leon: Oh come on. Ark wasn't that bad of a guy. >The woman's neck had a large hole in the side, blood pooling on the floor Vincent: POOL'S CLOSED! FOREVER! >beneath her. Claire gasped at the horrific site and began to back away. The >zombie rose from the ground and walked after her, moving on shaky legs. Leon: When you think about it, how can they move any faster than a shamble? I mean, it says the frontal lobes will deteriorate, gradually killing off one’s intellectual and higher thought process. The cerebellum will then take control of the body, resulting in irrational and animalistic behavior. The only time a zombie can move faster is when it becomes a V-ACT, or a Crimson Head. Billy: You're not allowed to read Wikipedia anymore. Leon: Hey, fuck you. I'm a government agent too, you know. >"S...Stay back! I'm sorry I bothered you. I'll leave you alone." Claire 4chan: DIES. Vincent: Get that shit out of here. >muttered as she continued to back away from the undead man. >Claire gasped again when her back hit a wall of the diner. The zombie took >the opportunity of Claire's short distraction to pounce on her. Jill: Target found. Proceed to rape. >Claire tried to get away, Billy: Sometimes I feel I've got to... All: Uh uh! Jill: Run away I've got to All: Uh uh! Leon: Get away... Vincent: From the pain that you drive into the heart of me! >but the zombie's bony grip was too strong. Alex's voice: AUGH! ELLINGSON! All: ...? >The zombie pulled Claire to the floor and tore her vest and shirt away from >her pale neck. The zombie lowered its face to Claire's neck and bit into it, Vincent: Then puked in disgust, for Claire was a vegan! Billy (Zombie): DO NOT WANT. >drawing large amounts of blood that covered the floor and the zombie's dry, Jill: Skin, providing moisture that's meant to last. See you later, alligator. >crusty face. The zombie continued to lick at the flowing wound until no more >blood came from it. Leon: YOU ARE DEAD. Jill: Yeah, blood doesn't just stop flowing through the neck until there's none left in the body. >The undead man moaned as it tore Claire's shirt the rest of the >way off her body. Billy: Delicious flatc--*Vincent puts the barrels of Cerberus to Billy's chin* Vincent: I will end you. >Claire moaned at the burning pain in her neck. The loss of blood made her >weak and she could barely struggle against the undead monster on top of her. Vincent: This makes it sound like all rapists are zombies. In which case, the world would have a serious problem on its hands. >The zombie squeezed Claire's right breast as it ran its discolored tongue >over her left one. Claire moaned weakly as her vision became fuzzy All: Got dizzy. >from loss of blood. >The zombie continued to squeeze Claire's breasts and pull on her nipples as >drool, mixed with blood, flowed from its mouth. It grew bored of Claire's Alex's voice: Life. And killed her, again. The end. >breasts and tugged on the waistband of her shorts. It pulled the last piece >of clothing from Claire's body, leaving her shorts and panties around her >ankles. Vincent: Sounds like a setup for the embarrassed naked female archetype. Loathe and contempt. Leon: Easy there, Dracula. >The undead creature pressed its bony index finger into Claire's pink cunt. >It pumped the finger in and out until the digit was covered in honey. Billy: Clearly, this zombie must like his women just how he likes his coffee. The Pain: COVERED IN BEES! >It brought the finger to its mouth and licked the juice from it. The zombie >reached to its own waist and pulled its belt off, causing its pants to drop. Jill: I suppose being a pale, thin corpse would require wearing a belt to keep them up. >It pressed its gray, erect cock Leon: I would commit on the basic flaw of this, but I remembered that zombies still have blood, so I suppose they could still spring boners. >against Claire's labia, smearing rancid, green cum over her pussy. >Claire screamed in pain as the cum burned her skin like acid. Vincent (Gollum): It's burns us, precious! The cruel light and its horrible rays! We hates them precious! Gollum! Gollum! >The zombie ignored Claire's screams of pain as it grabbed her hips and pushed its >cock into her. It pumped faster and faster slapping its dry skin against Claire's Billy: Wouldn't this cause more of the decaying flesh to--*Vincent puts Cerberus' barrel to Billy's chin* Vincent: No. Do not let this thought train proceed any further. Let it derail. >smooth. Jill: Smooth...? Smooth what? It could be anything! It could even be a boat! >The zombie's drool began to pool on Claire's stomach as it continued >to thrust into her, digging its nails into her hips. The zombie brought its >face close to Claire's neck and licked at her dry wound. Leon: Mmm...wounds that should still be bleeding, but ignore the basic laws of biology. >The zombie released a loud moan as it climaxed, spilling its burning, >infectious cream into Claire's womb. Billy: Woman gives birth to undead baby, story at 11. >The zombie opened its jaws wide to inflict a killing bite into Claire's neck, >when a loud shot rang out. The zombie grew silent in mid-moan and fell backwards, Jill: Put those away. Leon: Aww... *Leon puts away the noisemakers and fireworks* Vincent: Huh...? >blood rushing from the hole in its skull. Claire turned her head to the now open back door. A police officer stood there, smoking gun in hand. He bent over and Vincent: Put a bullet in her forehead. The end. Leon: Seriously. Give me Elza Walker anyday. >helped Claire to her feet, letting Claire put her clothing back on. Billy (Cop): Get dressed, whore. >"My name is Leon Kennedy. We better get to the police station. It will be a >lot safer." Said Leon reaching out his hand to Claire. Leon: That's so not true. Then again, none of this is. Vincent: Everything you know is wrong. >Claire took it and leaned against Leon's side unable to stay balanced. >"I'm Claire, Claire Redfield." Said Claire as she leaned heavily against >Leon. Jill (Leon): Bitch, get off me. >"Pleased to meet you. I can get you some medical attention when we reach the >station. Don't worry, everything should be alright from there." Said Leon >trying to sound reassuring. Leon: Man, those were the days. Being nothing more than a rookie who graduated at the top of his class, but got the shaft because everyone was fucking dead when I got into town. Man, there was no one to show off for except for Ada. Mmm...Ada... Billy: You cops just love asians don't you? Leon: Look, just because Yoko happens to like Kevin... >Claire nodded her head hoping Leon was right and that they could escape >from the city. Vincent: ...Are you people stupid? You all just pulled into town! Just drive back out! Leon: Can't. Retroactive barricades. >The End All: Yay! >End Notes: I may do more on Resident Evil 2 in the future, but I don't know, >I have other projects to work on. Hope you enjoyed the story! Leon: It didn't include me, so I think I'll live. ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Perhaps that was the most important part. [Season One MSTings] Episode 001: Zelgadiss the Rapper - Prologue Episode 002: The Anime Laws Episode 003: Zelgadiss the Rapper - I need to be a hero Episode 004: Time Flies Episode 005: Zelgadiss the Rapper - You guys can sit in the back [Season Two MSTings] Episode 006: Little Boys with Bad Intent Episode 007: Pure Sex Episode 008: A Poker Game Episode 009: Ranma ½: Akane's Twin - Who Am I? Episode 010: Resident Evil: Code Veronica - Trapped In A Plane Episode 011: Resident Evil 3: Nemesis - Trapped In The Basement Episode 012: Untitled Resident Evil 2 Lemon [Season Three MSTings] Episode 013: Evil CS/OC/AWoW: Dark Fire Episode 014: FFT: Delita's Corruption Episode 015: Resident Evil - Trapped in a Mansion Episode 016: Resident Evil: Code Veronia - The Ashford Family [Season Four MSTings] Episode 017: Resident Evil - My Last Escape [Phantasy Star Online Intruders] Episode 001: Kyle's Saga (Part 1): Meeting A New Allies... Episode 002: By the Lake Episode 001a: Kyle's Saga (Part 2): Meeting A New Allies... Episode 001b: Kyle's Saga (Part 3): Meeting A New Allies... [Dungeons and Dragons Interferences] Episode 001: Arekusu's Longest Journey and Viriello Gets What He Deserves [Season Five MSTings] Episode 021: Resident Evil 2 - The Diner [Shameless Plug Alert] Oh my god! We have our own domain now! Crowded Street, Advanced Incorporated - http://www.crowdedstreet.net