"Nature's one sexy bitch! *fapfapfap*"
- Mike, Sexy Losers

[Legal Stuff to Cover Mine Ass]

Arekusu Ikari dwells deep within the recess of my mind and is the Arekusu who is seen in the minds of others.
Enori Requinodel is property of Liz
Andrew of Phish is owned by Ivan
Nishahe came from Nick's twisted little mind
Mystery Science Theater 3000 is owned and copyrighted by Best Brains Inc.
You think *I* know who invented D&D?

By the way, don't sue me. You won't get much. Trust me. By the way, you can e-mail at IkariType0@aol.com still.

[Alex's Opening Notes]

It's been a while hasn't it children?

[Lemon Warning]

This fanfic contains material that would probably make the average reader sick to their stomach (but I'm immune! HA!). If you're easily offended by this (get over it, really) or happen to be under the legal age limit of your area, you probably shouldn't be reading this snuff. Chances are, you'll deal with it or be a baby and close this window. Pansy.

[Disclaimer]

Yes, this lemon was asked for. I'm sad. I know. But to be honest, not even Fanfiction.net had any good bad D&D lemons. And yes, some of this actually happened in our playing session. At least, the whole boat thing did. Enjoy kiddies.

[MSTing For j00!]

In the not so distant future,
Somewhere in time and space.
Arekusu Ikari and his brain's,
Lack of MSTing ideas caused them pain.

Tormented by this terribly itch,
Ikari did nothing but bitch.
At his computer desk real low,
he watched a lot of shoujo-ai,
Just to get his MSTing groove back on high!

(Ikari: Sweet Yuri Actiooooooon!)

[Arekusu singing]
I'll find myself bad fanfics,
The worst I can find. (La la la)
And the cast has to sit and watch them all,
While we screw up their already fucked up minds. (La la la)

[Normal Singers]
Now keep in mind that Ikari can't control,
Where the fanfics begin or end. (La la la)
He'll just have to take it all,
With the help of the other guys!

(THE List boss! The List!)

Arekusu Ikari! (There's another me?)
Andrew of Phish! (Where's the Wolfy?!)
Nishahe! (Blinded by the Enlightenment!)
Enori Requinodel! (Love me!)

If you're wondering how they eat and breathe,
And other pointless facts,
Just remind yourself 'It's just some Courier New text,
I should really just relax!'

For THIS TITLE IS NEVER CONSTANT THEATER 3000! (BWANG!!!)

[The Top Floor of the Necromancer's Tower]

"With the Necromancer defeated, the world can start rebuilding itself at last..." Enori, the dark skinned monk said, not bothering to hide her fatigue after the long battle. It had been a strain on everyone but after almost two years of hard work, they finally managed to save the world.

"Who cares about the world? My forest is safe again." Snorted the anti-social Andrew of Phish as he tossed his chocolate brown hair over his shoulder and sheathed his dark blade, the Soul Taker. Enori laughed, knowing that despite his nature, Phish was happy with their accomplishment as well. Turning to look at the rest of her party, Enori noticed Arekusu and Nishahe walking toward the edge of the rooftop and was quick to pursue them.

"Hey! Where are you two going? Aren't you going to stay with us for a while longer?" Both oriental warriors shrugged at her question, obviously not expecting this affair to be drawn out longer than it already had.

"I suppose I could hang around for a bit longer, how about it Ikari? One more time for old time's sake?" Nishahe, a monk of the Phoenix clan, gave the other warrior a pat on the back as he laughed.

"Whatever. It's not like I have anywhere to go home to anyway."

And so the ragtag group of adventurers watched the sunrise together, not noticing the corpse of the Necromancer getting back to its feet. Shuffling over to the band quietly, he reached out and tapped Arekusu's shoulder before speaking, "Good show. Good show. I could make a sunrise like that if I wanted to."

Just as everyone turned around to look at the revived undead wizard in shock, he waved his hand and in a flash, they vanished. The forever drunken gnome, Brock, who witnessed this whole event, found it to be nothing out of the ordinary and continued to drink himself stupid.

[Satellite of the Dead]

Appearing out of thin air, the group of fighters fell to the ground in a heap with a collective yelp of surprise.

"Get your hand OFF my breast!"

"I will as soon as someone pulls their knee out of my crotch!"

"I hope my fingers aren't where I think they are..."

In the middle of all the groping and complaining, a black mass moved out from under the tangled bodies and slide a few feet away before rippling a few times. Rising from the mass was an dark skinned individual with a full head of silver hair that had grown all the way down to his knees and a slightly muscular physique hidden beneath dragon scale armor. Once fully separated from the mass, he opened his red eyes and looked down at his friends, sighing.

"Are you all done yet?" Arekusu groaned, folding his arms over his chest while his comrades got to their feet.

"So where are we?" Phish inquired, staring out a large window directed toward the blackness of space, trying to hide his awe. When no one answered, he looked over his shoulder and was greeted with nothing but shrugs and looks of confusion.

"Obviously it's far more advanced than our world...or far away from ours." Nishahe commented, tapping on the wall. Enori and Arekusu nodded in agreement, not noticing a monitor flip on behind them, revealing the necromancer's face.

(Shifting into script format now kiddies. - Ikari)

[Necro's Tower]

Necro: Hello friends. It seems that I'm not allowed to kill you according to the gods and everyone else at the annual meeting. That Lucia seems quite smitten with the tall pretty boy there. *points at Arekusu*

[SotD]

Enori: *looking particularly pissed* Who is this...Lucia person Arekusu?
Arekusu: *shrugs* Someone I used to know.
Nishahe: *clears his throat* So what are you going to do if you can't kill us?

[Necro's Tower]

Necro: Simple, simple. I will torture you by making you re-live your past experiences and ones you never knew about. We begin yes?

[SotD]

Everyone: *imitating the Necro's voice* No.

[Necro's Tower]

Necro: Not funny. You get twice as much torment.

[SotD]

Alarms and sirens go off.

Arekusu: Don't look now but we have FLASHBACK SIGN!!! *everyone files into the theater*

[Door Sequence, Seating Order (Left to Right): Nishahe, Arekusu, Enori and Phish]

Phish: I have a bad feeling about this.
Arekusu: Maybe it's just you coming off your high. *mutter* Hippie.
Enori: Leave him alone. He's not a hippie.

>Hello, I’m Alex’s friend Liz. Alex asked me to write up a Dungeons and Dragons lemon. I drew inspiration from our
>longest campaign, and here it is. Enjoy it, in all it’s lemony goodness!

(It's all true too. It all happened! Honest! - Ikari)

Nishahe: What? Does this mean that we're only figments of someone else's imagination that are used as avatars of a higher authority in the world?
Enori: Nah. Who the hell would be smart enough to create people like us aside from our parents.
Nishahe: Yeah. Probably not. Don't know what I was so worried about.

>“Arekusu’s Longest Journey (or, How Enori Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Gnome)”

Arekusu: ...What?
Enori: *much louder* WHAT?

>The next step in their quest was ahead of them. At last having a real goal, Arekusu, Enori, Phish, and Gnomey
>purchased a ship and prepared to sail to the Desert Continent.

Phish: We heard there was good weed there.
Arekusu: Ha! I knew it! You fucking hippie stoner!
Phish: I AM not!
Enori: *puts her hand on Phish's shoulder* Let it go Phish. Let it go.

>Arekusu, a tall figure with silver hair down to his waist, took the helm and the others sat to wait.

Phish (Arekusu): I'm sexy and no one else is because I said so.
Nishahe (Arekusu): My long hair makes me more important than you and I point this out every chance I get.
Enori (Arekusu): I am great in bed. *herself* ...And I'm not mocking him.
Arekusu: Yes, all of these things are true.

>Enori, human monk, sat and meditated about the nature of justice.

Phish: *coughbullshitcough*
Enori: ...What?
Arekusu: Wait, didn't you have that demonic staff at the time?
Liz's Voice: SHUT UP! THERE ARE NO PLOTHOLES!

>Phish, a half-elf reclusive ranger, kept watch around the ship for signs of danger.

Nishahe: When in truth, he was sitting there smoking the reefer.

>Gnomey, a gnomish cleric/drunken master, drank from his magic mug and formed songs about it, spraying the ship with
>his beery breath. Suddenly, Phish raised the alarm: “Water elementals at two o’clock!” He drew his scimitar, it’s

Arekusu: Bad grammar. It should be "its", not "it's".

>blade made of night, and the others flanked him for battle. Three elementals, so they took one each and allowed
>Arekusu to continue to navigate the ship.

Enori: Which in turn, proved to be the best decision he'd EVER made.
Phish: I thought there were only two elem--
Arekusu: Let it go Phish. Let it go.

>Phish disposed of his quickly, dealing a blow of massive damage with the evil black blade. Enori spent more time
>dealing with hers.

Arekusu: Yes, it's hard fighting figments of your imagination isn't it?
Enori: Wha?
Arekusu: Enori, you and Phish fought one while Brock deal with the other. There was no third elemental.
Enori: ...Point?

>But Gnomey had a wonderful idea.

Phish (Gnomey): I LIKE MASHED POTATERS! ^_^
Nishahe: So sad and yet, so true.

>His mug turned anything inside into alcohol, so I chucked it into the center of one of the elementals, leapt inside,
>and started drinking.

Nishahe: A clever yet horribly sad yet terribly effective tactic.

>Suffice to say, that elemental became quite sick, and was dispatched quickly, disappearing into the gnome’s iron gullet.

Phish: You know, had I not known Brock to begin with, I would've really questioned his methods...
Arekusu: I thought I had dove into the ocean to retrieve my nodachi at this point. I remember throwing it through one of the elementals...

>Once the first two were gone, Gnomey came to his senses just enough to hurl the mug into the remaining elemental.
>It, too, became alcohol, but had the time to deal powerful blows to both Enori and Phish before the Gnome was able to
>drink it down.

Arekusu: *obviously annoyed* Meanwhile, I'm busy drowning while trying to retrieve my sword but did I get any help?Nooooooo...
Nishahe: Hey, I'd have helped if I had been there.

>By this time, the deck of the ship smelled like beer, and all three of the adventurers were sprawled on the sodden

All: Ewwwwwwwww...

>wood, just glad the fight was over.

All: Whew...

>But a terrible discovery was made.

Enori: Soylent Green is people! Soylent Green is people!
Phish: Wolfy isn't with me! Noooooooooooo!! WOOOOOOOLLLLLLFFFFFFFFFYYYYYYYYY!!
Nishahe: I have HAIR! MADNESS!
Arekusu: The Necro is trying to rewrite my memories by showing me this! AAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

>Enori looked over at the gnome, and hiccupped. “You know….you’re pretty

Arekusu: Fly for a gnomish guy. *everyone laughs at this because come on...it was funny*

>cute for a short guy…” She walked over to him, swaying and stumbling as if she’d been knocking them back for half
>a day.

Nishahe: Sadly, Brock's alcohol could make it seem like you'd been drinking for a day with just a sip.
Phish: Why do you think we kept so far away from it?

>Gnomey looked up at her with a sweet smile,” Sweet potato! I knew you’d come around eventually.” He offered her
>another drink, which she took, and then bestowed upon him a very wet kiss.

Nishahe, Phish and Arekusu: *move away from Enori*
Enori: ...What? It happened a long time ago!

>Arekusu shuddered, and looked over at the ranger, at least he appeared to be sober.

Phish: ...I was sober?
Nishahe: The question is, are you EVER sober?
Arekusu: At least this part is accurate. I was going to kill myself if I had to sit through more of that.

>But Phish sat up and looked around blearily. No such luck.

Arekusu (Himself): Fuck.

>The alcohol had been so strong as to immediately cause both of them to be drunk from a mere hit. Arekusu shuddered
>again, and prepared for a bad night.

Arekusu: And I quote Seishiro Baiken, "This is turning into a bad year!"

>Hopefully, Phish’s hatred of people would keep him away from the human on gnome action going on.

Phish: ...I don't hate people THAT much.
Nishahe: Such an encouraging statement Phish.

>Not caring who was watching, Gnomey began stripping off his armor (not a simple task considering his degree of
>inebriation), exposing a cock that would drive the most well endowed human to despair.

Nishahe, Arekusu and Phish: GAH! GNOME COCK!

>Arekusu felt…inadequate…for some reason, then took solace in visions of his bitch-lady.

Arekusu: First off, at least Yayoi was still fucking HAWT at the time. Secondly, I do not carry a fifteen foot long nodachi around because I've got penis envy. I happen to be a very respectable nine inches.
Enori: I can vouch for this.
Nishahe and Phish: Too much information.

>Enori cried out when the gnome penetrated her, and her cries just kept getting louder as Gnomey began pumping in
>and out. She was, of course, a virgin, because of an oath of chastity, but it was long washed away by a wave of beer.

Enori: Along with everything else decent in the world.
Phish: Like beast who cried 'YES!' at the center of the world.[/blatantevangelionplug]

>After a while of that, Enori shoved the gnome off and began giving him loud, slurpy head. Arekusu stared grimly
>ahead of him, sure that things couldn’t possibly get worse.

Arekusu: Way to jinx it you big, bishounen fucker!
Enori: ...Loud and slurpy? Am I really like that?
Arekusu: *matter-of-factly* No.

>Then the sounds of Enori’s and Gnomey’s sport drew the attention of the equally plastered Phish.

Nishahe: My god! They're building Phish into the wall!

>He began creeping across the deck toward the oblivious pair, with an expression of curiosity, desire, and shit-faced

All: Ewwwwwww...

>drunkenness on his pretty features. Gnomey was sucking on Enori’s breasts when Phish tapped her on the shoulder.
>They both turned and looked at the half-elf, surprised he was actually approaching them.

Arekusu: But they later realized that he was more high than drunk at the time so it all made sense.
Phish: But I...I...
Nishahe: Let it go man...let it go.

>Silently, Enori began pulling at his trousers, and Phish let her undress him.

Nishahe: Obviously not possessing the motor skills to do so on his own.
Enori: Sure, make the woman do all the work.

>And then she sucked on his cock, so he wouldn’t feel left out. The gnome, disliking the lack of attention, entered
>Enori from behind while she was busy.

Enori: *shudders*
Everyone Else: *snickers*

>Enori thrust her hips to encourage him, but didn’t turn away from Phish. Phish’s hands drifted over Enori’s back,
>then down and over her breasts. He pinched the human’s nipples hard,

Phish: *makes popping sounds*
Enori: *whimpers and covers her chest*

>and she squeaked with pleasure. He looked over her back, and his eyes met those of Gnomey. They had a moment of
>silent understanding.

Nishahe (Phish/Gnomey): The world IS round.
Arekusu (Phish/Gnomey): I think it's about time Raiken goes crazy and KILLS US ALL.

>Gnomey pulled out, and Phish drew Enori down on top of him, shoving himself in hard and deep. He grunted, and went to
>work. Gnomey climbed gamely on top, and began screwing Enori in the ass, which she did not seem to mind. Now
>that they were one big, pulsing pile of sweat, mucus,

All: Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww...

>and saliva, Arekusu began rummaging for the frayed ends of his sanity, and seriously considered sinking the ship.

Arekusu: The question is...WHY DIDN'T I?!

>The cries from the heap of flesh began ratcheting up in intensity and frequency, finally culminating in a long
>shriek from Enori as she felt half-elf semen shoot into her pussy as gnome cum poured into her ass. It felt
>incredibly good for all parties,

Arekusu: Save for ME. No wonder it was so easy for the Necromancer to corrupt my mind. >_<

>and then they settled down to exhausted, tipsy, sleep. And Arekusu silently prayed to his bitch-lady and steered
>on through the dark night.

Enori: Oh come on. It wasn't THAT bad.
Arekusu: Are you implying that you weren't really drunk during this whole thing?
Enori: *looks around* Uh...no?
Arekusu: Then shut up.

>And now, ladies and gentlemen, a short, satrirical, and opinionated piece:

All: Wait a minute...

>“Viriello Gets What He Deserves”

All: YAY!

>The party had made camp for the night, and Viriello felt like a bit of sport, so I called his cohort into his tent.

Phish: But I came instead and lobbed his annoying little head off.
Arekusu: Dark much?

>Viriello lounged, his shorter-than-average elfin form sprawled on his blankets as his elder brother and cohort
>came in through the flap. Viriello grinned to himself. What a stroke of genius! To mentally enslave his prissy,
>everybody-likes-me-better older brother Tsevelonth. And now to further humilliate the bastard.

Nishahe: There's a blatant lie. Tsevelonth and Viriello's existence is humiliation enough if you ask me.
Phish: That deserves a trophy.
Arekusu: That deserves bones Nishahe.

>“You know what I want, big brother,” he said sarcastically. A sort of sick hatred filled Tsevelonth’s eyes.

Enori: Similar to what we ALL feel whenever they're around.
Everyone Else: Amen.

>His brother could still feel emotions and have his own thoughts, but he was completely under Viriello’s domination.
>His body language the picture of submission, Tsevelonth knelt over his younger brother and began unlacing the fly

All: ...What?

>of his trousers. Viriello grinned sadistically,” That’s right, you know what to do.”

Nishahe: You have...
Phish: Seriously got...
Enori: To be...
Arekusu: Fucking kidding me!

>Tsevelonth lowered his head and took Viriello’s rigid phallus deep into his throat, gagging politely. He looked
>up at his younger brother with eyes full of disgust, and it only served to fuel Viriello’s pleasure.

Phish: Sick fuck. I don't think we killed Viriello enough.
Nishahe: Can you EVER kill them enough?

>He laughed with glee as he came, and forced Tsevelonth to swallow the hot semen. Then he allowed Tsevelonth to
>leave, to sleep outside the flap of his tent in case he was needed in the night.

Phish: There are just some things that you can't be needed for you know.
Enori: Amen.

>Rolling over with a happy smile, Viriello fell asleep on his stomach.

Arekusu: *pauses* ...Wait a minute...

>He awoke in the dead of the night to the sound of scuffling, and the distant bah-ing of a goat.

Arekusu: YES! GO GOAT!
The Goat: *appears in the theater* BAAAAHHH!
All: *scream in terror and scatter like frightened sheep until the goat goes away*

>When the sounds died down again two or three minutes later, he mentally shrugged it off and fell asleep again.

Phish: Biggest mistake of his life.
Nishahe: Save for joining our group.

>Only to be awoken ten minutes later by a strange, sharp pain in his ass.

Nishahe: Houston, we have penetration!

>When he awoke fully, he discovered he was being ridden hard and fast by a large goat. It called loudly into his
>ear, and pumped away even harder.

Arekusu (The Goat): Mmm...virgin ass.

>Viriello screamed, feeling tissues tear both under the goat’s sharp hooves and deep inside him under the influence
>of the goat’s incredibly wieldy dick.

Nishahe: Sad thing is...we've all been raped by it.
Arekusu: Yeah, that's because it's like a GOD. Nothing hurts it!
Phish: Chances are, if I can't cut its head off, it won't die.
Enori: At least not anytime soon.

>Viriello liked a good blow job as much as the next guy, but he wasn’t a pansy. No ass action for him, no sir,

All: Amen.
Nishahe: *looks at Arekusu and Enori* What are YOU two talking about? Your sex lives are bound to have some ass action in there somewhere.
Arekusu: As long as nothing goes into my ass...

>and this goat was encroaching on his personal space bubble. Thinking quickly, he attempted to cast a delayed-blast
>fireball deep inside the goat’s body.

Nishahe (The Goat): Futile. Do not resist. You will be raped. We are the space robots, we are here to protect you, we are here to protect you from the terrible secret of space...
Arekusu: Something is wrong with our children. They eat not, they sleep not...their only interest is watching meaningless Earth programs on the video. Something is wrong with the children of Mars...
Phish: All your base are belong to us![/blatantlaziestmenofmarsreferences]

>The spell fizzled, he couldn’t overcome the spell resistance. Cursing, he reached for a weapon, but the goat
>redoubled it’s thrusting, causing Viriello to nearly pass out from pain.

Phish: Spellcasters carry weapons?
Arekusu: I guess so.
Nishahe: Seems pretty pointless. They're so weak that they couldn't cause any damage even if they wanted to.

>In his despair, he noticed that his weapons were too far out of his reach, and he had prepared no “Telekinesis” spells.
>He had no way to grab a weapon.

Nishahe: Not that it mattered in the long run.

>He started screaming for Tsevelonth, knowing his cohort would have to come and get rid of the goat. Or at least
>accept the vigorous ass-rape in his place.

Arekusu: Brainwashed or not, no one is THAT stupid.

>But Tsevelonth never came.

Phish: Smart kid.

>Viriello now became quite scared, for the goat was causing a great deal of internal damage, and there was nothing
>he could do about it. Not to mention that the experience was horrifying in and of itself.

Nishahe: Maybe to him. We're enjoying this quite a bit.

>The goat seemed to dislike his screaming, because it flipped him over and thrust it’s hairy goat cock in his mouth.

Enori (The Goat): Shut. Up.

>This was even worse. Viriello began to doubt if his sanity would last the night. But, unfortunately, it did.

All: YAY!

>The goat sodmized, raped, tortured, and otherwise afflicted by the horrible, unbelieveably tough and strong goat.
>When it finally left in the morning, Viriello laid wrapped in the rags of his clothing and cried like a baby, blood
>seeping from his ass and the corners of his mouth. His mind was intact, though, and he was soon out of his tent and
>searching for his brother, who must surely be dead if he couldn’t answer the cohort summons.

Arekusu: Common sense briefly overrode brainwashing. Nothing is perfect. Magic especially.

>Tsevelonth was tied to a tree, and obviously alive. There was a note pinned to the front of his shirt, which Viriello
>read.

Phish (Note): Look out behind you.
Arekusu (The Goat): BAH! *makes humping sounds*

>“Viriello – we thought we’d give you and your lover some privacy. He’ll keep coming back, and he only wants you.
>Good luck! Arekusu, Enori, Phish, Gnomey, and the Mug.” (The last two signatures were in the squiggly script of drunken
>Gnomey).

Arekusu: Good ol' Gnomey.

>Viriello looked up at his brother in despair, and noted the gleeful amusement in Tsevelonth’s bright green eyes. Enori: A sure sign of insanity. *everyone leaves the theater*

[Reverse Door Sequence]

Everyone is sitting around the satellite, obviously enjoying the futuristic luxuries such as recliners and gaming consoles while the Necromancer, at the top of his tower, searching the universe for more torment.


It's the end of the world!

[Season One MSTings]

Episode 001: Zelgadiss the Rapper - Prologue
Episode 002: The Anime Laws
Episode 003: Zelgadiss the Rapper - I need to be a hero
Episode 004: Time Flies
Episode 005: Zelgadiss the Rapper - You guys can sit in the back

[Season Two MSTings]

Episode 006: Little Boys with Bad Intent
Episode 007: Pure Sex
Episode 008: A Poker Game
Episode 009: Ranma ½: Akane's Twin - Who Am I?
Episode 010: Resident Evil: Code Veronica - Trapped In A Plane
Episode 011: Resident Evil 3: Nemesis - Trapped In The Basement
Episode 012: Untitled Resident Evil 2 Lemon

[Season Three MSTings]

Episode 013: Evil CS/OC/AWoW: Dark Fire
Episode 014: FFT: Delita's Corruption
Episode 015: Resident Evil - Trapped in a Mansion
Episode 016: Resident Evil: Code Veronia - The Ashford Family

[Phantasy Star Online Intruders]

Episode 001: Kyle's Saga (Part 1): Meeting A New Allies...
Episode 002: By the Lake
Episode 001a: Kyle's Saga (Part 2): Meeting A New Allies...
Episode 001b: Kyle's Saga (Part 3): Meeting A New Allies...

[Dungeons and Dragons Interferences]

Episode 001: Arekusu's Longest Journey and Viriello Gets What He Deserves

[Shameless Plug Alert] We worked it harder, made it better, did it faster and you want to know something? It made us stronger. Crowded Street, Advanced Incorporated http://www.boomspeed.com/kieran/