"Perhaps that was the most important part."
- Barry Burton, Resident Evil
Arekusu Ikari is property of me, Arekusu Ikari
Edgey Katt is also my property...oh wait, no, she's her own property.
RJ Bachler is owned by the military I suppose.
Chibi-chan...let's not go there.
Arc the Lad is owned by Arc Entertainment and G-Kraft
Mystery Science Theater is property of Best Brains Inc.
[Alex's Opening Note]
*Elc voice* Saa, kakatte koi! (Translations: Now, give me your best shot!)
This fanfic contains material that would probably make the average reader sick to their stomach (but I'm immune! HA!). If you're easily offended by this (get over it, really) or happen to be under the legal age limit of your area (Like I'm one to talk though, I'm one year under the legal 17 age here in Minnesota), you probably shouldn't be reading this snuff.
Alex Gordon, the PJ Fan is back, we all know what's coming don't we?
[Gale MST Flash!]
In the way distant future, around Y3K,
Arekusu Ikari and his pals, are all still stuck in space.
Pursued by the nasty NESTs Cartel, just group of folks out to rule the world.
In their secret bases below, they set their intentions real high,
Just to torture Arekusu and the other guuuuys!
I'll send them crappy lemons,
The worst I can possibly find! (la la la!)
I'll make them sit and watch them all,
To torture their over-paid minds! (la la la!)
Now keep in mind they can't control,
When the fanfics begin or end, (la la la!)
They'll try to keep their sanity,
With the help of a few friends
(Guardian Avatar Roll Call!)
Arekusu Ikaaaari! (*Arc voice* Total Healingu!)
Edgey! (*Kukuru voice* Let's go!)
Chibi-chaaaan! (*Tosh voice* Vacuum Slash!)
RJ Bachler! (*Shu voice* Super Gun Ninja!)
If you're wondering why Edgey is here,
And other science facts, (la la la!)
Just repeat to yourself "Turn about is fair play!
I should really just relax."
..for THIS TITLE IS NEVER CONSTANT 3000!! (BWAAAAANG!)
[Touvil, Sabatico Shrine]
Arc and Kukuru are doing things the author won't get into right now. Their clothes suddenly vanish in a brillant flash of light, just as Kukuru makes quite a bit of noise...
[Testa, Tosh's Manor]
Tosh is sitting on his stool thingy, drinking to his heart's content and wondering when Alec would come visit him again. Five minutes later, he's running out of building while whooping. When he gets to the Water Sphere, his clothing mysteriously vanished...and the town stared.
Teenage Girl #1: Check out THAT Crimson Edge!
Teenage Girl #2: I wouldn't mind being impaled on that sword! ^_^
Tosh: >_< My honor has been tainted!
[Eteru Isle, Shante's Bar]
Shu is hanging from the ceiling above Shante, glaring daggers at any guy who looks at her in a non-parched drunk manner. Like Tosh, his ninja garb is stolen and he falls to the floor behind the counter. Shante looks down at the nekkid ninja then back up to see if anyone is looking before ducking out of sight as well.
Shante: I was wondering when the hell you'd make your move ninja boy...
[Satellite of Dreams]
Arekusu Ikari stands by, watching Chibi-chan fiddle with the main console while RJ and Edgey enjoy some time together...playing Twister.
RJ: Bah...this game sucks.
Edgey: Maybe it'd be better if you stopped trying grope me?
Chibi-chan looks up and turns toward everyone else, smiling happily.
Chibi: I got them! But...how do I get the clothes up here?
Ikari: Lemme see that...
Arekusu assists Chibi with the console. In a few seconds, the stolen Arc characters' clothing appears nearby. Squealing with glee, Chibi dives into the piles and RJ gets slapped.
Edgey: Stop grabbing my ass Bachler!
RJ: It was an accident?
The yellow light flashes rapidly...
Arekusu: We'll be right back...
Announcer: Coming soon from the mind of Arekusu Ikari, it's...the SUPER GREAT ULTRA FANTASTIC EX PLUS ALPHA 2 TURBO REVIVAL ZERO 3 AWESOMELY RADICAL TUBULAR BEYOND ALL BELIEF SPACESHIP with Hyperpants Overdrive! Are you ready for a level of speed?! YEAH!
Arekusu is now dressed as Arc, twirling his Rune Sword around to the best of his ability.
Ikari: I'm the LAD! BOOYA! ^_^ *poses heroically*
Chibi-chan, wearing Tosh's kimono and brandishing the Crimson Edge menacingly, shoves Arekusu aweay and poses in his place.
Chibi: But I'm BADASS. ^_^
Suddenly, a rope drops in from above Chibi, wraps around her waist and hoists her into the air despite her protests. The camera pans upward to RJ, in Shu's ninja uniform.
RJ: But *I* am a Super Gun Ninja! Shinobi all the way ba-ACK!
Edgey, who is now practically lost in Kukuru's MC Hammer parachute pants, flies in and kicks RJ off the ceiling, drops to the ground and poses.
Edgey: I could get used to this monk thing... ^_^
Kriz: That was an amusing display but please. You have suffering to do...heroes! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!
*lights and sirens go off*
Ikari: ...I knew there was a catch to this. >_<
Chibi: Don't look now but we've got LEMON SIGN!
[Door Sequence, Seating Chart (L to R): Ikari, Edgey, RJ, Chibi]
Ikari: Back in the habit..
RJ: Milia! ^_^ Naked heroine goodness!
>Trapped in a Mansion
>By: Alex Gordon
*the colors go negative like they in the animes as horrible realization sets in*
Edgey: Alex Gordon...
Chibi: LEMON! >_<
Edgey: Crow is bad...but not THAT bad.
>Notes: Guess I got this one out faster then I thought. I do have a direct
Chibi (Alex Gordon): Address for those of you who wish to hunt me down and kill me.
>sequel to the previous part in the works, but decided to bring this one out
>first. Jumping around in the games makes it easier for me to write for some
RJ: Insane excuse that no one will ever believe.
>reason. I'll also try to come up with some better titles. Well, on with the
>( I )
Ikari: I will...ah, nevermind. No PSO joke.
>Rebecca Chambers still could not believe this was happening.
RJ: Neither can we babycakes.
>The helicopter she was on crashed, and she saw most of her teammates killed
>by strange creatures. She had found someone though, Chris Redfield, from
Edgey: Down the road! At stately Redfield Manor!
>S.T.A.R.S. Alpha Team, but now he was poisoned by a giant snake, and it was
Ikari: Futile in the long run so she gave up and died instantly. The end.
>up to her to get the antidote. She knew the way back to the small room
>where the medical supplies lay, but the zombies were everywhere, and she
Chibi: Was a necrophilic nympho. Poor bitch...
>didn't have much ammo left. "I should have taken Chris's shotgun with me."
>Rebecca thought to herself,
Ikari: And by doing that, the disk would be unable to find the corresponding hex information as Rebecca has no models holding the shotgun let alone doing anything more than running and firing a handgun!
RJ: Ikari...you think too much.
>descending the stairs that led to the small room. Rebecca opened the small
>door, her gun pointed in front of her, in case any creature had taken
>residence in the room while she was gone. She found nothing and relaxed,
>this was a bad move as a zombie attacked her from behind. The zombie used
Chibi: His MAD NINJA SKILLZ to sneak up on her in the first place. Zombies are SLOW. You'd have to be DEAF to not hear one.
>its unnatural strength to knock the gun from Rebecca's hand. The zombie
>then moved its bleeding hands to Rebecca's tits and squeezed. "No, Please
RJ: Don't pop my fleshy balloons! *SMACK!*
Edgey: Don't say that! >_<
>stop!" Rebecca screamed as the zombie kneaded her tits while drooling on
>her neck. The zombie ignored Rebecca's screams and tore the shirt from her
>body in one quick motion. He then began to lick between her tits with it
Edgey: He's licking her with her shirt? What?
>decaying, gray tongue. The zombie pushed Rebecca into the room closing the
>door. It then unbuckled its pants,
Ikari: I just realized something. People are giving zombies WAY too much credit here. They can barely open doors and... *Arekusu explodes outward as a bunch of grey orbs ala Rockman*
>pulling out its gray, erect cock. Rebecca screamed as her pants and panties
>were torn open, and the zombie shoved its cold member into her. The zombie
Chibi: Was disgusted by the horrid warmth instead of the usual chick zombie cold vagina-ness.
RJ: O_O Whoa. Who hit you with the Blunt Stick today Chibi?
>began to pump into Rebecca quickly. Rebecca reached backwards until her
>fingers clenched around her pistol. Just as the zombie moaned in climax,
Ikari-Zero: *teleporting into Arekusu's seat* She shot herself. In the head. Twice to make sure she died for good.
RJ: o_O What happened to you?
Ikari-Zero: Arekusu Ikari is....out of commission at the moment. I will be his replacement. You must be Bachlerbot's human counterpart... *noticing Chibi* And you, fair lady...*taking Chibi's hand* ...must be the lovely counterpart of the equally lovely Chibioid. It's an hon--*WHAM!*
Chibi: Hands off Roboperv!
Ikari-Zero: *rubbing his head and grumbling* Now I see where Chibioid gets it...and least she's a fierce lover. *WHAM! SMACK! KAPOW!*
>shooting green cum into Rebecca's pussy, Rebecca fired three shots into the
Edgey: Air. To signal for her rescue.
Ikari-Zero: But alas, no one came.
>zombie's head blowing pieces of brain matter all over the wall. Rebecca
>laid in silence for a few moments, tears in her eyes, as she remembered
Chibi: Her God-given duty to...shoot herself.
RJ (God): Me Dammit!
Ikari-Zero (Zeus): What happened NOW?
RJ (God): A FATAL ERROR HAS OCCURRED IN EARTH:/HUMANS/ENTERTAINMENT/GAMES/CAPCOM/RESEVL/CHARS/NPC/RCHAMBS.EXE THIS PROGRAM WILL BE TERMINATED. PLEASE RESTART.
Edgey: At least it wasn't a Megaman Battle Network joke...
>about Chris, and quickly pulled on her torn clothing. She moved over to
>the shelves at the side of the room and took the antidote. She ran back as
>fast as she could, hoping Chris was still alive.
Ikari-Zero: Wait...she was in a save room? They can't do that! Zombies can't go into save rooms! That would cause the game to glit--AUUUUUGH! *explodes*
Edgey: At least we know where he gets it...
Jake's voice: Fly me to the moon...
Alex's voice: That's enough of that Mr. Bart Howard.
>Rebecca made it back to the room with little obstacle. She quickly injected
>Chris with the antidote and hoped he would wake up soon. Chris did awaken
RJ: As a zombie! And the lemon started over again!
>and he looked at Rebecca with a dazed look on his face. "Uhhhh, Rebecca,
>What happened?" Chris said rubbing his sore head. "You were bitten by a
Chibi (Rebecca): Bad lemon.
>gigantic snake, but I got the antidote for the poison." Rebecca said
>smiling. "Oh. Hey, Rebecca, what happened to your clothes?" Chris asked
>noticing Rebecca's torn shirt and pants. "I was attacked by zombies, but I
Edgey (Rebecca): Gave them their last striptease before I shot them.
>managed to escape." Rebecca said looking down in shame, and blushing
>slightly. "Oh." Chris said noticing her reaction. Chris then put his hand
All: Nooooo! No more lemon! >_<
>on her shoulder
All: *sigh of relief*
>and smiled at her. "Don't worry. Its over now. We should try to find our
>way out of here." Chris said removing his hand from her shoulder and
Chibi: Her arm along with it since he never actually let GO of her shoulder.
>motioning towards the door. "Yeah, you're right. Let's go." Rebecca said
>smiling back at Chris. Rebecca and Chris left the room in hopes of finding
>a way out of the mansion.
RJ: There's PLENTY of exits! Look at all those damn windows!
Chibi (Chris): *makes a glass breaking sound* All right! We're out! C'mon Rebecca!
Edgey (Rebecca): Okay Chris!
RJ (Zombies): RAH! *insert Chris and Rebecca's screams of terror here*
>( II )
Chibi: You know...it's kinda lonely without Ikari here.
>Jill had just reached the sewer area of the Mansion, when she found Barry.
??? (Chris): Barry! Where's Barry?!
A pillar of fire rips through the theater floor and a black form moves from within.
Chibi: O_O It's the Dark One! Someone call Arc!
???: Easy Chibi. It's just me.
The pillar sinks back into the ground, leaving Arekusu Ikari, who happens to be posing, in its place.
Ikari: Good to be back. *sits back down in his seat*
RJ: Nice entrance.
>"Barry! What are you doing here?" Jill asked surprised to come across Barry
Edgey: In a bad lemon.
>in the desolate sewer. "Jill! You're still alive. Have you found anything?"
>Barry said, happy to see Jill safe. "Nothing, except that this may be the
Chibi (Jill): Worse day of my life. First zombies and now a bad lemon!
>only way out." Jill said walking farther into the tunnel. "That's what I
>think, too." Barry said moving to walk beside Jill. Jill and Barry walked
RJ: Into walls. Repeatedly. Until they died. The end.
Chibi: Sounds like all of your relationships Ikari.
Ikari: I bet you think you're funny...
>farther into the tunnel until they heard noise from one of the many dark
>tunnels. They quickly ran towards the noise and discovered Enrico, a Bravo
Edgey: Johnny's family sure is big...
RJ: Must be one of his mom's old husbands.
>Team member. " Enrico, you're okay!" said Jill moving next to the wounded
>man. "Yeah, I'm fine, but I'm not sure if I can walk." Said Enrico with a
>look of pain on his face.
Ikari (Enrico): Please kill me.
>All of a sudden two gunshots rang out. They both connected with Enrico's
>body killing him. Barry quickly ran to investigate leaving Jill alone.
RJ: Lemon Cliché number...ah, fuck it.
>"Barry, wait!" Jill screamed after her teammate, but he was already gone.
>Jill went to follow, when she heard a loud screech come from the tunnel.
>Suddenly two hunters erupted from the black tunnel and slashed at Jill
All: *looking hopeful*
>tearing the shirt from her body.
All: Awww... *slump in their seats*
>One of the hunters then squeezed its hands over Jill's tits creating deep
>scratches. The second hunter drove its green cock into her mouth
Ikari: New, from Really Fucked Up Industries: Hunter Cock! Now in full automatic mode!
>gagging her. The second hunter tore Jill's pants and pushed its own cock
>through the lips of her labia.
Ikari: *slapping a hand over RJ's mouth before he can speak* All right. Who flunked Biology class? The labia is locat--mmph!
Chibi: No one cares! >_< Discuss our anatomy elsewhere!
Ikari: *pulling Chibi's hand away* Is that an invitation babe? ^_~
Chibi: Arekusu no baka! *WA-TAK!*
>Jill's screams were muffled over the mutant cock that was pumping in and
>out of her mouth. The cock in her mouth spasmed as it released foul tasting
>green cum down her throat.
RJ: Is that Alex Gordon's favorite color or what?
Edgey: And does it really taste foul? Not all green things are bitter and disgusting! Just look at lime jello!
>The other hunter released its own cum deep into Jill's moist pussy. The
>hunter was about to bite Jill's neck when a loud shot rang out tearing a
>huge hole through the hunter's neck. The second hunter jumped up seeing its
>fellow hunter killed, and roared. It was also shot between the eyes
Chibi: I thought the last one was shot in the neck...
>spraying brains around the tunnel. "Jill, are you okay?" Barry asked
>running over to her. "Fine, Barry, just fine." Said Jill passing out from
All: And disgust.
>End Notes: Shorter than my last one, but I think this one had more story.
>I'll use some more original ideas in the next one. Hope you enjoyed the
All: *boo the screen*
[Reverse Door Sequence, Satellite of Dreams]
Arekusu is standing next to a monitor, wearing some small glasses and pointing at the monitor.
Ikari: ...in short, this proves that bad lemon authors clearly have no idea how the female anatomy works..
Kriz is watching Arekusu intently, taking notes...until he notes the camera on him.
Kriz: H-hey! Get out of here! *CRASH, fade to black*
>Jill had just reached the sewer area of the Mansion, when she found Barry.
[Season One MSTings]
Episode 001: Zelgadiss the Rapper - Prologue
Episode 002: The Anime Laws
Episode 003: Zelgadiss the Rapper - I need to be a hero
Episode 004: Time Flies
Episode 005: Zelgadiss the Rapper - You guys can sit in the back
[Season Two MSTings]
Episode 006: Little Boys with Bad Intent
Episode 007: Pure Sex
Episode 008: A Poker Game
Episode 009: Ranma ½: Akane's Twin - Who Am I?
Episode 010: Resident Evil: Code Veronica - Trapped In A Plane
Episode 011: Resident Evil 3: Nemesis - Trapped In The Basement
Episode 012: Untitled Resident Evil 2 Lemon
[Season Three MSTings]
Episode 013: Evil CS/OC/AWoW: Dark Fire
Episode 014: FFT: Delita's Corruption
Episode 015: Resident Evil - Trapped in a Mansion
[Phantasy Star Online Intruders]
Episode 001: Kyle's Saga (Part 1): Meeting A New Allies...
Episode 002: By the Lake
Episode 001a: Kyle's Saga (Part 2): Meeting A New Allies...
[Shameless Plug Alert]
One year old, one less year younger.
Crowded Street, Advanced