"I'm as old as the wind because it sounds cool to say that."

- The Jeikobu Man, July 25th

[Legal Crap]

Mystery Science Theater 3000 & the related characters are owned and copyrighted by Best Brains Inc.
Phantasy Star Online is property of SEGA.
Arekusu Ikari was made by me (because I've got a big ego)
Rhys is property of SEGA and his behavior is property Mike Larson
Wren is property of SEGA and his behavior is property Robert Payne
Meltinashade is property of Mike Young


You can still contact me at ZelgadisXeal@aol.com.


This is not an attack or attempt to make the author look bad. It's all in good clean fun.  Oh yeah... By the Lake is Megane Guard's work so she's quite welcome to keep it.  All rights reserved n' stuff. Just don't sue me okay?  Anyway, off you go peons!

[Alex's Opening Note]

This is smut. Bad smut. Read it if you want?


In the way distant future, around 4900,
There was some man called Tyrell
He was the big cheese, yes the head master.
He got sick of his 'pawns' and one day he got pissed.
So he had their asses whooped then locked then in a theater!

(Wren: THIS....SUCKS....ASSSSSS!!)

(Tyrell singing)
I'll send them crappy fanfics,
The worst I can possibly find! (la la la!)
I'll make them sit and watch them all,
To torture their over-paid minds! (la la la!)

(Normal Singers)
Now keep in mind they can't control,
When the fanfics begin or end, (la la la!)
They'll try to keep their sanity,
With the help of a few friends


Arekusu Ikaaaari! (This is good! Watch!)
Rhysssss! (!! BOINK !!)
Meltinashade! (Chirp!)

If you're wondering how they eat and breathe,
And other science facts, (la la la!)
Just repeat to yourself "I'm making my head hurt!
I should really just relax."


[Pioneer 2's Theater]

Arekusu is fast asleep on a couch and Hiddenshade is in the kitchen. Suddenly, an Al Rappy rushes in from the sealed teleporter that opened up temporarily. Following it came three figures. One was a male with teal hair and purple carbon suit wielding a glowing scythe with 'As It Stands' engraved on the hilt (the Soul Banish). The next was an RAcaseal clad in yellow with a rather human-like skin tone. Next was another male with black hair and a black outfit. The continue to chase the Al Rappy until Hidden looks up from chopping vegetables.

Hidden: You do realize the teleport just closed right?
Yellow RAcaseal: It did?
Purple HUmar and Black RAmar: D'oh!

Tyrell's face appears on the monitor near the teleporter. He doesn't look pleased.

Tyrell: I found three more of Arekusu and Hiddenshade's cohorts so they get to join you. Eurythmic and Ayena free to go for now as they really had nothing to do with you. Your treatment today will be 'By the Lake'. That is all.

The monitor goes dead and Hidden nods to himself and looks at the three as well as the sleeping Arekusu.

Hidden: Sorry about this Wren, Mel, Rhys and Arek but better you guys than us.
Meltina: What're you talking about?

The four are hauled into the theater.

(Door Sequence, Seating Chart L to R: Arekusu, Meltina, Wren and Rhys)

>By the Lake
>Megane Guard

Wren: So where are we? By the Lake or by Megane Guard?

>The journey seemed like it would never end for days Rhys had searched for
>his kidnapped fiancé Maia,

Meltina: I thought he got the choice to go for that chick who busted him out out jail.
Arekusu: Grand Master Pimp Rhys.
Rhys: HEY!

>but it was all to no avail. The only occurrence that encouraged him during
>his travels was meeting the android Mieu.

Arekusu (Rhys): Because she had a nice rack.
Rhys: You wanna fight punk?

>She had told him that she had been waiting for his arrival for over 1000
>years. It was very hard for him to fathom that the android had done that,

Wren: Because aside from being a hornball, Rhys was dumb.
Rhys: Is it Pick on Rhys day or something?

>suffering the elements for so long only waiting for his arrival. It also
>helped things that Mieu was very attractive.

Meltina: Oh sure, that's only because she was MADE that way. What would Maia say?
Rhys: She wouldn't say anything.

>She was dressed in an outfit made of skintight, red leather that left her
>legs bare and showed her copious cleavage.

Arekusu: Because Rhys notices these things.
Rhys: That's it! Your ass is grass! *Rhys jumps Arek and the two start fighting*

>Her face was as beautiful as a doll's, however, it also showed the emotions
>of a doll, which were nil.

Meltina: We can show emotions too! See? *smiles*
Wren: Please don't do that. It's creepy.

>Rhys's eyes roamed all over Mieu's body the way her red hair cascaded down
>her bare, milky shoulders and her muscular back.

Rhys: *pulling Arekusu's hair* Ha! Sounds like Alexia right there!
Arekusu: *pulls Rhys' hair* Just because she has big hips, doesn't make her all butch and muscular!

>The bottom of her outfit was wedged in to her ass, giving him a full view
>of her well-formed buttocks. He knew that his quest was to save his fiancé,
>but he couldn't help over flowing with desire for the statuesque android.

Arekusu: *decks Rhys in the face* So what do you do at art museums? Hump the statues?
Rhys: Your mother sucks dick in hell! *elbow drops Arekusu*

>A grin slowly spread on Rhys's face. What did it matter? He thought. It
>wouldn't be like I was cheating on Maia. Mieu is only an android, a tool

Meltina: ...! You son of a bitch! We are not your tools! *jumps into the fray*

>for her master's desires. Rhys decided to check out how well made Mieu's
>body was built.

Wren (Sean Connery): She was quite shabby.

>Rhys had already removed his armor, and was only dressed in a carbon suit.

Arekusu: More like a suit to prevent his pimp ways from leaking out!

>"Mieu, come here." The android immediately followed his command. Rhys could
>see that her craftsmen had tried to get every detail right in her

Meltina: The person who made Mieu was a woman?
Arekusu: Alis got bored? *kicks at Rhys*

>appearance. Her breasts even bounced with each step. Some perverted old
>scientist probably created her, Rhys thought.

Wren: Or maybe Alex did.
Alex's voice: I heard that.

>"What do you wish of me, Master Rhys?" Mieu said in a monotone voice. Her
>eyes did not blink once. Rhys found this aspect of Mieu creepy. Her eyes
>were like the dead.

Wren: *looking at the fighting* Jesus dude! You're into dead chicks? BRAAAAAH! *vomits over the back of his seat*

>"Are you made to be an exact copy of a human female?"

>"Yes, my body was molded after my creator's daughter." It is exact in every

>"Take off your clothes."

Wren (Sean Connery): Take off your panties. Now.
Arekusu (Sean Connery): *sitting back down* I'm so sexy. I should be a porn star. *Meltina sits back down as does Rhys, who is beaten up badly*
Rhys: You're so damn annoying. You should shut up!

>Rhys said. Mieu complied with his command. First unsnapping the collar
>behind her neck that held up her front. When it well her luscious, white
>breasts were revealed. Her breast's nipples were as hard as red stones.

Wren: Is someone breathing heavily? *glances around*
Rhys: That would be Arekusu.
Arekusu: *sitting there with his tongue hanging out and drooling*
Meltina: *smacks Arek* Don't you...ya know...sorta love me?!

>She continued to shimmy down her top, exposing her taught mid section.
>After her top dropped around her ankles, she pulled down her bottoms,

Rhys (Sean Connery): Yes. Remove your panties.

>revealing a neatly trimmed patch of red pubic hair.

Arekusu: Hey Mel...
Meltina: You should know better Arek. Droids don't have hair of any kind.

>She started to remove her knee high boots, but Rhys stopped her. He found
>the boots to be very appealing.

Wren: I didn't know you have a boot fetish Rhys.
Rhys: I don't!

>Rhys, his penis already gorged with blood walked over to Mieu, his eyes
>never leaving her perfect body.

Meltina: Only MY body is perfect.
Arekusu: *like a zombie* Of course it is Mel.

>"Turn around Mieu." He ordered. Mieu complied, turning her back to Rhys
>showing him her perfect heart shaped ass.

Rhys: People sure think asses look like weird shit. I could've sworn peaches look more like asses than anything.

>The scientist must have embellished some, Rhys thought, because Mieu's body
>is too perfect. Most men would kill to sleep with such perfection.

Arekusu: *proudly* And this man gets to sleep with perfection.
Wren and Rhys: *make whipping sounds*

>After he removed his carbon jacket, Rhys wrapped his arms around Mieu. Her
>skin was cool and dry. Maia's had been warm and silky. Trying not to think

Meltina: About women.
Rhys: Yeah.....HEY!

>of Maia, Rhys rubbed his hands down Mieu's mid section, letting his finger
>trace her belly button. The android did not react at all. Rhys continued

Wren: To screw up somewhere. He never was the bright one.
Rhys: Shut up god dammit!
Wren: Dude. It ain't you because you're here with us.
Rhys: ....Oh yeah.

>moving his hand down her stomach until he reached her vagina. He spread her
>womanhood with his fingers and inserted his middle finger into her vagina.

All: Same to you! *everybody flips off the screen*

>He expected it to be quite dry, but was surprised to find it quite moist.
>Pushing his finger deeper into her his finger felt something that felt like
>a hard button.

Meltina: Um...the clitoris is right near the entrance. Arekusu would know best about that.
Arekusu: *coughs and acts innocent*
Wren: A hard candy button?
Rhys: Mmm...candy.

>"Mieu, what is this?" Rhys asked rubbing his finger around the button.
>Mieu's juices were smothering his hand.

Rhys (Himself): God damn it Mieu! Must you be drinking Tang right now?!
All: Mmm...Tang.

>"It's my love button when it is pressed I become a love doll instead of a
>warrior." She said her voice toneless.

Wren: Love button?! Oh my god!! HAHAHAHA!! *Arekusu gets out of his seat*
Meltina: Don't even think about checking. *Arekusu sits back down*
Arekusu: Damn.

>"Interesting, well let's give it a try shall we?" Rhys intoned. He
>pressed the button. Immediately Mieu seemed to go under a transformation.

Wren: Transformers! Horny RAcaseals in disguise!

>Her vagina seemed to become tighter around his finger,

Arekusu: *makes crunching sounds*
Meltina: And then Rhys had NO finger.

>and her once dead eyes filled with lust. She pressed herself against Rhys,
>rubbing her beautiful ass against his crotch. His penis, already hard as a

Rhys: A piece of cereal.
Wren: No longer crunchy in milk?

>rock, threatened to split open with desire. He pulled down his pants

Wren: And unleashed the dog of war.
Arekusu: Equipped his PP/ROCK?
Meltina: To reveal he was really a woman?!
Rhys: *vaguely female* Surprise!

>releasing his cramped penis, and was greeted with the heavenly feeling of
>Mieu's buttocks rubbing against his penis.

Meltina: And then it snapped in half. *all three guys wince*

>"Get on your hands and knees," Rhys said his voice throaty with desire.
>Mieu did as she was ordered immediately, lowering her head to the ground

Arekusu (Mieu): Mmmm...dirt.
Wren (Mieu): Mmm...crunchy.

>and raising her ass to the sky.

Rhys: Then someone shot the Heaven's Punisher and a god unleashed his PP/Crusher and destroyed the world.

>The campfire made her wet pussy glisten. What detail, Rhys thought,
>lowering to his knees. He stroked the android's back,


>causing her to moan with desire. Her skin that had been cool to the touch
>earlier was full of wonderful warmth.

Meltina (Rhys): Shouldn't have pissed on the fire...*normal* Why DO guys like to piss to put out campfires anyway? *the men shrug*

>He mounted her from behind, lunging his penis into her tight pussy. It was
>a wonderful feeling that could have only been better if he had felt a
>maidenhead split.

Arekusu: I doubt Rhys would get the same pleasure from running into a church and cutting a woman in two. *rimshot*

>The feeling of pure ecstasy filled him as he pumped her from behind.

Rhys: Unleaded or Premium? *rimshot*

>A jolt of immense pleasure jolted through his body each time his balls
>slapped her ass. He bent over her and kissed her beautifully shaped back
>and shoulders.

Meltina: *monotone* Oh how erotic.

>Mieu seemed to be enjoying the experience as well each time their skin made
>contact with each other she breathed out a light moan, and Rhys could swear
>that her pussy kept getting wetter and tighter with each thrust.

Wren: She's using up all her cooling fluids!

>The most extraordinary feeling came when he pulled back. Mieu's vagina
>seemed to suck his cock.

Meltina: *makes slurping sounds*

>He didn't know how much longer he could keep up his pace without blowing
>his wad into the android. He pulled his penis out of her vagina and placed
>it on her

Arekusu: Shoulder and then he dubbed her his loyal sex slave.
Wren: PP/Sire?

>crack, rubbing it up and down. She swayed her ass with his movements,
>moaning in pleasure. When he thought it was safe again to continue
>intercourse without ejaculating immediately, Rhys drove his penis into
>Mieu's asshole. She cried out in shock and pleasure.

Meltina (Mieu): AH! Wrong way! You're got PP/Massive++!!
Wren: You mean, PP/Needle----.
Rhys: HEY!!

>Although Rhys knew that she did not have to breath,

Wren: Mieu IS Metal Mario!

>Mieu appeared to be gasping for breath as her shoulders heaved form the
>pleasure of anal intercourse.

Meltina: Rhys, you take pleasure in anal intercourse!
Rhys: D'oh!
Arekusu: Rhys, you have long experience in anal intercourse!
Rhys: Shut up! I get it!

>His skin breaking out into a profuse sweat, Rhys grasped Mieu's shoulders
>and came into her asshole shooting wads of warm white stuff all into her.

Arekusu: ...Warm white stuff?
Wren: Rhys got kinky and is giving her a marshmallow cream filling?
Meltina: New from Hostess?

>She fell to the ground he fell on top her, His spent penis still inserted
>in her asshole.

Meltina: And suddenly, her suction systems went apeshit and she sucked Rhys into her and crushed him. The end.

>"Mieu, my dear, you are going to make this trip much more pleasurable."

Rhys: Imagine if Phantasy Star III was like this...*the fourth wall breaks*

>Rhys said, gasping for air sweat pouring from his body onto Mieu. Mieu
>said nothing, but tightened her buttocks around Rhys's penis in response.

Wren: Can we go now?
Arekusu: We can get outta the theater but that's it.

(Reverse Door Sequence)

[Pioneer 2 Theater]

Meltina is scolding Hidden for making her watch that, Wren and Rhys are now asleep too. Finally, Meltina knocks out Hidden and goes to snuggle up against Arekusu, wrapping her arms around him tightly. The camera fades to black...

Perhaps that was the most important part.

[Season One MSTings]

Episode 001: Zelgadiss the Rapper - Prologue
Episode 002: The Anime Laws
Episode 003: Zelgadiss the Rapper - I need to be a hero
Episode 004: Time Flies
Episode 005: Zelgadiss the Rapper - You guys can sit in the back

[Season Two MSTings]

Episode 006: Little Boys with Bad Intent
Episode 007: Pure Sex
Episode 008: A Poker Game
Episode 009: Ranma ˝: Akane's Twin - Who Am I?
Episode 010: Resident Evil: Code Veronica - Trapped In A Plane
Episode 011: Resident Evil 3: Nemesis - Trapped In The Basement

[Phantasy Star Online Intruders]

Episode 001: Kyle's Saga (Part 1): Meeting A New Allies...
Episode 002: By the Lake

[Shameless Plug Alert]

What MSTing would be complete without one?

Crowded Street