- Liz, Wild Arms 2(nd Ignition)
Mystery Science Theater 3000 & the related characters are owned and copyrighted by Best Brains Inc.
Phantasy Star Online is property of SEGA.
Arekusu Ikari was made by me (because I've got a big ego)
Eurythmic is property of Nancy (and some big company I guess)
Ayena is property of Angela-sama
Hiddenshade is property of Mike Young
You can still contact me at ZelgadisXeal@aol.com.
This is not an attack or attempt to make the author look bad. It's all in good clean fun. Oh yeah... Kyle's Saga is Kyle Twilight's work so he's quite welcome to keep it. All rights reserved n' stuff. Just don't sue me okay? Anyway, off you go peons!
[Alex's Opening Note]
This program was brought to you by SEGA.
In the way distant future, around 4900,
There was some man called Tyrell
He was the big cheese, yes the head master.
He got sick of his 'pawns' and one day he got pissed.
So he had their asses whooped then locked then in a theater!
I'll send them crappy fanfics,
The worst I can possibly find! (la la la!)
I'll make them sit and watch them all,
To torture their over-paid minds! (la la la!)
Now keep in mind they can't control,
When the fanfics begin or end, (la la la!)
They'll try to keep their sanity,
With the help of a few friends
(LOG ON ROLL CALL!)
Arekusu Ikaaaari! (DOOSHA!)
Eurythmic! (Sweet Dreams...)
If you're wondering how they eat and breathe,
And other science facts, (la la la!)
Just repeat to yourself "I'm making my head hurt!
I should really just relax."
..for PHANTASY STAR THEATER 4000!! (BWAAAAANG!)
[Ragol, Caves 2 Area]
Arekusu Ikari is standing near a waterfall, staring at it like a total dumbass. Behind him, is his friend, Hiddenshade, who's laughing to himself. He'd dared him to act like he was in one of those old Herbal Essence tv ads. Luckily, just as he's about to do something, his pager goes off and scares the shit out of him. After fumbling for the noise-making device and promptly kicking Hidden in the nuts for laughing at him, Arekusu checks whom the message was from.
Arekusu: Oh hey...the principal wants to see us. C'mon Shade!
That said, the HUmar flicked a Telepipe item at his friend and when it smacked again his forehead, it bursted open into a pretty display of blue. Without warning, Shade fell through it and Arekusu followed...
[Principal Tyrell's Office]
Arekusu and Shade saluted the big fat man in seated behind an equally large circular desk. Fatman regarded them with a snort and narrowed his eyes a bit. He disliked their bizarre behavior and messed up dialogue in public and he wanted to do something about it...
Tyrell: I've heard rumors of some fools running around shouting stupid things like 'CORRECT' and '!! BOINK !!'. Those people wouldn't happen to be you two would they?
Shade: *gulps* Uh...that would be us sir.
Tyrell: I see. Well, as principal of Pioneer 2, I can't allow such crazy behavior go on. I have to show some law and order here.
Arekusu: What do you mean by that...sir?
Tyrell: I'm going to torture you guys.
Arekusu: Okay. That's not right. It just isn't.
Tyrell: Fear not brave heroes. You won't be alone. *snaps his fingers*
Two soldiers drag in two RAcaseals, both kicking and protesting to the rude treatment. The soldiers drop them and head out the way they came. Arekusu helps them up and notices who they are after a good two minutes.
Arekusu: Eury! Ayena! Wait a minute...they didn't do anything! Why are they here?
Tyrell: Because they've hung out with you. Now onto your torture...
Eury: What?! Torture?! If I had known being friends with Arekusu would bring this upon me, I'd have thought it over!
Ayena: Amen to that sister!
Arekusu: Thanks a bunch...
Eury and Ayena: No problem.
Tyrell: Your torture will be reading a bad sex story written by 'Rico's childhood friend' Kyle Twilight. Hmm...I thought that boy was odd at times...anyway. Have fun. *snaps his fingers*
Guards walk in and knock the four out, dragging them away.
[Pioneer 2 Theater]
When Arekusu came to, everyone is standing around looking a bit lost when Tyrell's face appears on a nearby monitor.
Tyrell: This shouldn't hurt physically. I'm going to make an example out of you all...
Ayena: By showing us badly written romance novels?
Eury: More like badly written sex stories.
Tyrell: .....Pretty much.
Hidden: Some example.
Tyrell: ANYway...onto your torture. If you're all bad, one of you gets worse torture, most likely Arekusu. There's a few more rooms to the theater you can use to rest if you wish.
Tyrell's face disappears when the monitor shuts off and a curtain rises to reveal a large movie screen. The four seat themselves and get ready for the worst.
[Seating Chart - Left to Right: Eury, Arekusu, Ayena and Hidden]
Arekusu casually stretches as he yawns and rests his arms on the back of Eury and Ayena's seats.
Ayena: Don't even...
Eury: Think about it. *Arekusu grumbles*
>, Kyle's Saga
>Chapter one: Meeting a new allies
Arekusu: Because a winner is us.
>Written by Kyle Twilight
>Author's note: Again, please forgive me for taking certain liberties
>with some facts,
Hidden (Author): Like how men are the ones who have boobs, high pitched voices and PMS. *Ayena hits him* D'OH!!
>but I simply couldn't figure out a smart way of working around the
>Principal's name. As such, I decided to use his full title instead of
Eury: Calling him by his first name, Bob.
Tyrell's voice: My name is not Bob!
>making up a name for him. Also, I owe a big debt of gratitude to
>Simmerl, who supplied me with a great picture of Rico from an art book
Hidden (Author): Great picture because she was naked and was using the handle of her doublesaber.
Arekusu: Actually...that was in the prologue.
Ayena: You read the prologue? I'm not surprised...
>I never knew existed, as well as providing me with some new information as
>to what class Rico is,
Arekusu: She was a DWmarl. A human female Dimwit.
Ayena: Are you sure she wasn't a DBmarl? A human female Dumb Bitch?
Hidden: Uh...Tyrell can hear us...
Arekusu and Ayena: Oops..
>(She was HUmarl, one of the classes that were canceled before the release
>of the game)
Eury: Along with the FOmar, HUnewmn, HUcaseal and the RAmarl...*hits Hidden who started drooling*
>and what Section ID she is (Whitil), not to mention helping me confirm what
>the Principal's last name was since I had already used up all my VMUs
Arekusu: Taking screenshots of the nurses and that fugly woman at the Hunter's Guild.
Ayena (Guild Lady): Welcome to the Guild! Check out my boobs!
>making new characters that had at least already bested the Dragon.
Ayena: Because we all know that killing the Dragon is REALLY hard.
>Kyle awoke immediately. His body covered in a sheen of cold sweat, and his
Hidden: He'd left his porno running and it got to him even in his dreams.
>"Man, what in the hell was that all about..." He asked himself. "I've
>never had a dream seem that vivid and lifelike." He moved his neck around
Eury: And broke it. The end. Sweet Dreams.
>in a circle to work the kinks out, then got out of his bed. "Ah well, best
>put it past me. I'd be better not thinking about it, so that I don't get
Arekusu (Kyle): Too horny around Rico and dry hump her to death.
>embarrassed in front of Rico when I see her. Plus, I don't have that much
>longer until the landing ceremony is to commence. Best shower and shave
Ayena: Hopefully not what I think he's gonna shave...
Arekusu and Hidden: .......
Ayena: No comment boys? *Arekusu and Hidden shake their heads*
>before then, or I'll miss the whole thing." He started heading for the
>bathroom, when his hunter's guild comm link began letting out it's
Arekusu: What?! It is WAY more than just annoying!!
Hidden: You're just mad because you turned the vibrate function on.
>"Geez, of all the times to get a job..." He swore under his breath. He
>picked it up and answered it in a fairly irate tone of voice. "This is
>Twilight, this had really better be important."
Eury (Person): Hello Mr. Twilight! You've just one a million meseta in...
Hidden (Kyle): Not important enough! *makes a hanging up motion*
>"Kyle, m'boy..." a familiar voice greeted him over the link. "Principal
Arekusu (Dyne): Dammit Kyle! It's 'Dad' when only we're around!
Ayena: Wrong game Arekusu.
Hidden: Hello Principal Bob Tyrell.
Tyrell's voice: Grrr..
>How's it going? You caught me as I was just beginning to get ready for the
>landing." Kyle said, happy to hear from the ship's Principal,
Ayena: Because Kyle was secretly the principal's gay lover.
All: FRUITCAKE! *a speaker blows up*
>as well as Rico's father. "Sorry to interrupt you then Kyle, but I'm
>afraid the landing is going to have to wait.
Hiddenshade (Fruityshade/Tyrell): *stares at Arekusu* Because I'm going to be 'landing' on you.
Arekusu: ....! *reaches over Ayena and decks Hidden then clings to Ayena* Women only!!
Ayena: Let go of me.
>We've got a serious situation that I can't discuss over the comm. Come to
>my orifice immediately."
Eury: *loudly* Attention Pioneer 2. Please report to Principal Bob Tyrell's office for playtime. I repeat, please report to Principal Bob Tyrell's office for playtime.
Arekusu: That was good Eury.
Eury: I try my best.
Hidden: Did that just say orifice?
>Kyle was a bit taken aback as Principal Tyrell ended the transmission so
>abruptly that he didn't even get a chance to say good bye. "Something
Hidden: Very screwy is going on here...
>serious right before the landing that he couldn't discuss on an unsecured
>channel? And then that dream I had...
Ayena (Kyle): I dreamt I was a cross dressing super model with secret plans to take over the world with my beauty. *jumps on top of her seats and poses, cackling all the while* OHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!!!
>I've got a really bad feeling about this." With that, Kyle grabbed his
>Hunter's uniform and his gear, then headed out the door.
Arekusu: Wow. This whole thing sounds familiar eh Tyrell? I save the god damn world and this is what I get for it?!
Tyrell's voice: Well. I have to set an example.
Ayena: Ratings done by horny old men.
>Principal Tyrell sat in his office, worry knitting across his brow. Irene,
>his secretary sat at the desk to his left, and the chief
Ayn's voice: CHIEF BOOMBA!!!
>scientists of the Pioneer 2 project were at their workstation to his
>right. He'd been so looking forward to visiting his daughter. His last
Eury: Drink hadn't been for a couple minutes and it already got to him.
>words to her had been in anger, desperately trying to get her to go with
>Pioneer Two instead of Pioneer One. He'd begged, pleaded, and finally
Ayena: He shot her with a bunch of darts and hauled her ass home.
Tyrell: Oh how I wish I had...
>tried to order her to take this vessel, but she stood fast
Hidden (Slim Shady): Like a fat bitch who sat down too fast...oh wait. That isn't right.
Alex's voice: Mein gott...a rap riff! I must be sick!!!
>on her position. "Oh Rico," he thought to himself, "Why didn't you listen
>to me, just this one time..."
Eury (Rico): Because I am woman! HEAR ME ROAR!
Arekusu: *quietly* And rant, bitch, nag, complain about your appearance, height, weight and so forth...
Eury and Ayena: What was that?!
Hidden and Arekusu: Guy power, guy power. A curse to all chicks. *and somewhere in the world, Chibi-chan shudders*
>His train of thought was interrupted as Kyle teleported into his office.
>"Kyle Twilight, you're looking well.
Hidden (Fruityshade/Tyrell): But you'd look better without those pants. Ho ho ho...*Arekusu shudders and whimpers*
>Thank you for coming so quickly," he managed with a fake smile, trying not
>to show the concern in his eyes. Kyle had know Principal Tyrell for a long
Tyrell's voice: SHHHHH!!!
>and the fake smile only served to make him feel uneasy. He'd remembered
>how the Principal had been one night after Kara and Rico had gone out to
Arekusu: *hopeful* Please don't say seedy bars on a "girl's night out" party. Say they went to Taco Bell, McDonald...I don't care if you say they went to a porn shop, just no seedy bars!
>seedy bars on a "girl's night out" party.
>The look Kyle saw behind the mask the Principal had put on was ten times
>worse than when that group of army rifleman had brought Rico home
Eury: Grand Master Pimp-tress Red Ring Rico?
All but Eury: We can dig it.
>three hours past when the two girls had said they'd be back. He'd called
>Kyle that night as well, in hopes that the two of them would be able to
Ayena: So they went over to her house and she was there. The end.
>"No problem, Principal Tyrell," Kyle replied. "You said you couldn't speak
>of this over an unsecured line. Did something important get stolen, or did
Eury (Kyle): You revealed that you're really gay and that Rico is really Arekusu's child from the future to all of Pioneer 2 didn't you?
Arekusu: What?! You knew about Rico?!
Hidden: Mel isn't gonna be happy about that...
>another Hunter get kidnapped?" His mind raced back to his dream, and that
>bad feeling in his stomach increased. He'd never been psychically attuned,
Ayena (Kyle): My right foot can read your mind!!
>Rico had. Silently, he hoped it wouldn't be that nothing had happened
>to Rico, and prepared for what he thought would be the worst case scenario.
>Unfortunately, what the Principal had to say was far worse than anything
>Kyle would have ever imagined.
Hidden: Chibi-chan, RJ and Alex ran out of things to MST...*three loud screams of agony are heard in the distance*
>"We've lost all contact with Pioneer One." The Principal told him as his
>face lost all pretense of the smile it had once held. Kyle reeled back in
Ayena: Mild fear and terror.
>absolute shock and horror. There were thousands of people on Pioneer One.
>Now that they had set their orbit, communications should be open to anyone
>on the planet from anyone on Pioneer Two.
Hidden: So we still could've ordered Uncle Adan's Speedy Pizza?!
Tyrell's voice: Well...yeah.
Hidden and Arekusu: D'OH!!!
>The Principal continued his debriefing, "The communication beacons lined
>up, and we heard from the surface for a few minutes. They were saying
Eury (Tyrell): They were saying something about soylent green, redrum and bacon bits.
Arekusu: Weren't you made by a company called Soylent...?
Eury: Yeah. Why?
Arekusu: *shudders* Ever hear the term: Soylent Green is people?
Arekusu: *looking at Eury* I don't quite trust your company with a name like that...
>something about the local wildlife had gone berserk, and had started
>attacking the people there. So far, the Hunter's Guild members were
Ayena (Tyrell): Only getting drunk and ignoring the issue because they all have tragic pasts!
>holding off the beasts, and some were ever out bringing trapped people to
>the larger buildings to better protect them, but watch the monitor here..."
Arekusu: And suddenly the video switched over to Animal Planet's daily special 'The Mating Habits of Dark Falz'.
All but Arekusu: ....! *vomit*
Hidden: *wiping his mouth* You'd know best about this Arek. You had part of Falz in you.
>With that, the Principal pressed a button, and a recording of the planet
>came on the large monitor screen behind him.
Arekusu: This time showing footage of when Ayena and Eury got drunk. *both RAcaseals smack him*
>Kyle watched, but grew impatient. "What am I supposed to be looking..." he
>trailed off in mid sentence, as a bright, blue light exploded from the
Ayena: The Principal's monster pimple!
>surface, and stretched out so far that it could be seen from orbit, >engulfing the whole colony and beyond in it's aquamarine brilliance. "Oh
Eury: An overused MSTing line. *crash*
>was all Kyle could managed to say as his eyes extended wide in shock.
Hidden: As opposed to narrow shock.
>"Since that time, no one has managed to get any response from the surface,"
>the Principal choked out. "Obviously, I'm allowing no one to transport
Ayena (Tyrell): Uncle Adan's Speedy Pizza Dine-In.
All but Ayena: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!
>the planet's surface yet. I've started sending teams of Hunters down to
>investigate the colony, but I have a more personal mission for you. One I
Eury (Tyrell): Find so personal, I can't even tell you.
Hidden (Kyle): D'oh!
>have no right to ask of you..." Kyle swallowed hard, and asked, "You want
>me to see if I can find Rico, right?" Ashamed, the Principal looked down
>at the floor, "Yes.
Arekusu: *clearly sarcastic* Wow. What a big man Tyrell is for telling Kyle about Rico himself instead of Irene.
Tyrell's voice: Shut up.
>I know I shouldn't ask this of anyone, and I've been trying my best to not
>ask it of anyone, but you and Kara are her friends from before we left.
>I've already spoken to Kara, and she's already left for the surface to
>begin her investigation, along with a few other guild members."
Hidden (Tyrell): All male. Between the ages of 18-20 and bishounen in appearance. No real combat experience though.
Arekusu: Sounds about right for a lemon.
>Kyle looked a bit shocked, and disappointed, "She already left? Why didn't
>she ask me to help her? Also, why'd you send her first?
Arekusu (Kyle): *whiny* I'm the avatar here! I have to handle everything!
>Wouldn't it have been better to have us work together?" The Principal
>straightened up a bit. "I felt that if you both started exploring
>together, then you wouldn't be able to cover as much ground. Also, this
Eury (Tyrell): Sounded good on paper at the time.
>way it looks like you're both investigating the explosion, rather than
>looking for Rico. As such, if you do find any information on the
>explosion, telepipe back to the ship to give us your findings. I'll send a
>research team to investigate it, and it won't make you both look like you
Ayena (Tyrell): Don't know your real purpose in this story.
>don't care about anyone else in the Colony other than Rico."
Hidden (Kyle): But sir...that's all we DO care about.
>Kyle stared downward in thought. "Man, that explosion happened while I was
>having that nightmare. I've never had any telepathic or precognitive
>abilities before, but Rico did seem to have a way of reading my mind.
Eury (Rico): KYLE! Stop thinking about me like that! I DON'T wear halter tops!
Arekusu (Kyle): Oh...sorry. *keeps thinking*
Eury (Rico): GOD DAMMIT KYLE! I'm not NAKED all the time either!
Arekusu (Kyle): Sorry again. *more thinking*
Eury: Arekusu! Stop undressing Ayena in your mind!
Arekusu: How'd you know?!
Eury: I didn't.
>Could that have been some sort of psychic distress call? Nah, I'm just
>letting my nerves take over. Better get to work, and let my instincts take
>over before I go crazy thinking like this."
Hidden: But it was too late so he shot himself.
>"Okay," He finally spoke. "I'll go check out the forest where the colony
>was built. Knowing Rico, she'd be one of the ones getting the survivors
>back to the compounds."
Arekusu: I've been thinking...Pioneer One must've had some REALLY pathetic guild members. They couldn't even fight off a bunch of Boomas.
>Turning to leave, Kyle looked back as the Principal told him, "Kyle, do be
>careful. Something very wrong is going on here,
Ayena (Kyle): No shit Sherlock.
>and I don't know what it is. Maybe you should try to hire a full party of
>other guild members together before venturing out." Smirking, Kyle
>replied, "You know me, I'm always careful, but I don't like working with
>people I don't know. Too many chances that you'll get stuck with a thief,
>or someone who might not watch your back.
Arekusu: Eury. How'd we meet?
Eury: By bashing a bunch of sharker crazy lamers.
Ayena: Lamer bashing.
Arekusu: Ah, so many good people in the world to meet.
>I'll be fine, and I'll have Rico back here before you know it. I'm sure
>she's fine. Nothing's even close to her level of expertise." With that,
Hidden: Kyle shot himself.
Arekusu: And there was much rejoicing.
Eury and Ayena: *monotone* Yay.
>he used the teleporter to warp himself back to town, then to the one that
>would lead him to the planet's surface.
Arekusu: Okay guys. Take five. *everyone gets up and walks out of the theater*
(Reverse Door Sequence)
[Pioneer 2 Theater]
Arekusu, Hiddenshade, Eurythmic and Ayena are sitting around a table, trying to make sense of things.
Eury: So let me get this straight...we're all here because Bobby couldn't stand two weird guys being weird.
Hidden: Something like that...*the sound of the teleport catches everyone's attention*
Red Ring Rico: Uh...hi. I felt really bad knowing you guys are getting tortured so I came to help you out and I have to torture my dad...er...I mean Arekusu because my dad asked me to but after that, I'll be with you all the way! And I'm NOT Arekusu's daughter!
Arekusu: -_- Lovely. So my torture is...?
Rico: Well...you have two choices. Survive a fight with a She-Booma in heat with only your fists o' fury as a weapon or I'll ask you why you acted how you did while you're chained to a wall and eletrocuted multiple times for not answering right.
Arekusu: .....The She-Booma sounds mighty tempting.
Rico: Oh yeah! You have to fight it naked and after being injected with four pounds of viagra.
Arekusu: Unrust those chains! O_O;;;
Arekusu is hanging from a wall, breathing heavily whilst Rico is standing near a lever, ready to throw it.
Rico: I'll ask you again. Why didn't you tell my dad about Dark Falz?
Rico: Because why?!
Rico throws the switch and painfully large amounts of electricity are pumped into Arekusu's body. He just grits his teeth and waits for it to stop, which it does after a few moments.
Arekusu: Because it'd only have worried him even more.
Rico: I can understand that. My next question is...why didn't you tell anyone about that piece of Dark Falz within your body?
Arekusu: It wasn't anyone else's business to know.
Rico throws the switch again and Arekusu grits his teeth yet again. Meanwhile, in the other room, Hiddenshade, Eurythmic and Ayena are listening.
Hidden: You know. That really isn't phasing him. Meltinashade does that sort of thing all the time.
The sounds of electricity are heard once again, this time Arekusu is shouting vulgar things.
Perhaps that was the most important part.
[Season One MSTings]
Episode 001: Zelgadiss the Rapper - Prologue
Episode 002: The Anime Laws
Episode 003: Zelgadiss the Rapper - I need to be a hero
Episode 004: Time Flies
Episode 005: Zelgadiss the Rapper - You guys can sit in the back
[Season Two MSTings]
Episode 006: Little Boys with Bad Intent
Episode 007: Pure Sex
Episode 008: A Poker Game
Episode 009: Ranma ˝: Akane's Twin - Who Am I?
Episode 010: Resident Evil: Code Veronica - Trapped In A Plane
Episode 011: Resident Evil 3: Nemesis - Trapped In The Basement
[Phantasy Star Online Intruders]
Episode 001: Kyle's Saga (Part 1): Meeting A New Allies...
Episode 002: By the Lake
[Shameless Plug Alert]
What MSTing would be complete without one?