"Somebody set us up the bad RPG."

- Iceblade X, Phantasy Star Online

[Legal Crap]

Mystery Science Theater 3000 & the related characters are owned and copyrighted by Best Brains Inc.
I, Arekusu Ikari, am my own bitch.
Edgey has been promoted to goddess.
Chibi-chan...is still being bright and cute.
RJ Bachler still don't give a damn.

[Contact]

You can still contact me at ZelgadisXeal@aol.com.

[Discontenter]

This is not an attack or attempt to make the author look bad. It's all in good clean fun.  Oh yeah... Resident Evil: Code Veronica: Trapped In The Basement is Alex Gordon's work so he's quite welcome to keep it.  All rights reserved n' stuff. Just don't sue me okay?  Anyway, off you go peons!

[Alex's Opening Note]

Dammit! This took forever dammit! Dammit! Oops...got possessed by David for a minute.

[MSTing for Soul]

In the way distant future, around 4900,
There was some man called Krizalid
He was the big boss man, yes the head master.
He got sick of his enemies and one day he got pissed.
So he whooped all their asses then shot'em into space!

(HIMEEERU!)

(Krizalid singing)
I'll send them crappy fanfics,
The worst I can possibly find! (la la la!)
I'll make them sit and watch them all,
To torture their over-paid minds! (la la la!)

(Normal Singers)
Now keep in mind they can't control,
When the fanfics begin or end, (la la la!)
They'll try to keep their sanity,
With the help of a few friends

(Ze roll call!)

Arekusu Ikaaaari! (Todome!)
Edgey! (This still isn't fair!)
Chibi-chaaaan! (BOOYAKA!)
RJ Bachler! (One man army!)

If you're wondering why Edgey is here,
And other science facts, (la la la!)
Just repeat to yourself "Turn about is fair play!
I should really just relax."

..for REVERSE FLAYING THEATER 8475!! (BWAAAAANG!)

[Satellite of Dreams]

Arekusu Ikari groaned in his sleep as the bright light of the sun shone into the bedroom of the Satellite of Dreams. Grunting a bit, he shifted and stopped when he felt a body next to him...which was also when he noted he was feeling rather cold and after looking up the blanket, he'd figured out why. He dismissed it as the following even though he could smell alcohol and see empty bottles on the floor.

Arekusu: Hmm...Chizuru-sama was feeling frisky last night..

Edgey giggled to herself briefly before flipping onto her side. She'd dreamt Sho had admit he was madly in love with her and would screw her six ways from Sunday if the chance presented itself, which it did minutes later...

Chibi-chan and RJ were eating their breakfast (pop-tarts and coffee baby! A well balanced meal!) when they heard the two screams from the bedroom.

Arekusu and Edgey: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN HERE?!

Several minutes later, Arekusu and Edgey emerge from the bedroom glaring at one another. In order to keep this up, they sit across from each other as well. This goes on for a good hour until the red button flashes...and both Arekusu and Edgey hit it.

[Krizalid's Office]

Krizalid: Good mo-....What's with the anger vibes here? *points at the two glarers*

[SoD]

RJ: They had too much to drink and ended up getting it on. All our alcohol is gone now too.
Edgey: Can I help it if I'm a heavy drinker?!
RJ: Actually yeah...you could.

[KO]

Krizalid: I've heard enough. It's time for your daily dose of pain! Get ready for...Resident Evil 3: Nemesis - Trapped in the Basement!

[SoD]

Chibi: How'd he say the colon and dash?
Arekusu: Trade secret. *lights and sirens go off*
Edgey: Don't look now but we've got FANFIC SIGN!!!

[Door Sequence, Seating Chart: Arekusu, Chibi, RJ and Edgey]

Arekusu: Um..Edgey. Can I ask you something?
Edgey: *brushing her hair* Go ahead.
Arekusu: Why is there a tattoo of a barcode on your..
Edgey: *slaps her hand over his mouth* Don't finish. >_<
RJ: For our sake...please don't finish.

>Resident Evil: Nemesis - Trapped in the Basement
>By: Alex Gordon

Chibi: *sobs quietly*

>E-mail: crow_t_robot69@hotmail.com
>URL: http://www.angelfire.com/anime2/stories/index.html
>Notes: Here is the next part in my series of short Resident Evil stories.

RJ: Short, yes. Tasteful? INCORRECT.
Arekusu: CORRECT.

>It's been a while since I've written anything and trying to get back into
>the habit.

Edgey: Please don't. You're better off this way.

>You should expect me to have a lot more stories out soon, and the
>continuation to my Bondage Faries story. It's been awhile since I worked on

Chibi: Shooting myself, multiple times.

>that one. Anyway on with the story!

>( I )

Arekusu: I will steal MONOMATE!

>Jill had just run into a café when she heard footsteps come from behind
>the counter. She cocked the pistol that she held tightly in her right

RJ and Arekusu: ......
Chibi: No comment boys?
RJ: It would be too easy.
Arekusu: Way too easy.

>hand. Jill quickly made her way to the other side of the counter,
>strafing her pistol from side to side. Upon finding nothing she lowered

Chibi: Her head and shot herself. Ending the 'fic. The End.

>her gun, staying alert in case anything was in hiding.

RJ (Anything): .....Jill's back! Hide!

>Jill walked to the back of the café, wondering where she can hide to

Arekusu: *deep eerie voice* There is no escape...
Chibi: You are so dead if you say 'Make your time'.

>escape the evils of Raccoon City. All she found in the back of the café
>was a crowbar.

Edgey: And a note that read 'To escape, beat yourself over the head with this crowbar.
RJ: It is a CROWBAR. Will you take CROWBAR? > Yes > No
Chibi: *makes bleeping sounds while pointing at yes*
RJ: You have taken CROWBAR.

>She figured it was for the manhole she passed on the way to the back
>exit, that led to the basement. Jill decided to see if there were any
>useful supplies in the basement.

RJ (Jill): Let's see...beans, beer, wine, plot device, cattleprod, means of escape, fish, chips...nothing I need.

>Jill had just pried the lid of the manhole off the tunnel passage when
>she heard a loud crashing behind her.

Chibi: And it was Yang, in a dress. Complete with his hair put into buns.
Yang's voice: You'll never take me alive you evil evil woman! NEVER!

>She quickly turned around to see a man in army fatigues and a M-16 slung
>over his shoulder.

Edgey: Which he used to shoot her. And after wasting all his ammo, Nemesis burst in and crammed it so far up his ass, it burst through his head.
Arekusu: Dark much?

>"Who are you?" Jill asked while putting her hand on the butt of her
>pistol.

Arekusu: She's feeling her gun up. That's not right.
Chibi (Jill): Mmm...I love the sleek feel of my gun...*purrs*
Arekusu: Then say hello to my little friend...*pulls out a magnum*
Chibi (Jill): Oh god! Let me touch it!

>"Hi. My name is Carlos. I'm with the Umbrella team to rescue the
>civilians." said Carlos smiling.

RJ (Carlos): Sure we just so happen to be in a dangerous situation but I have to prioritize. Sex first, everything else later.

>"I don't believe those lies! Umbrella is the cause of all these deaths!"
>screamed Jill pointing her gun at Carlos.

Edgey: While feeling it up. Let's be thankful she doesn't have a six shooter. *everyone nods*
Arekusu: She'd love spanking the gun too much.

>"Hey we're just mercenaries. We aren't told what goes on."

Arekusu (Carlos): We just play our stereotypical 'Stupid merc' job.

>Said Carlos raising his hands in defense, "Anyway you should come with
>me this is no place to be alone."

RJ (Carlos): Dammit woman! Prioritize! Sex first, questions later!

>"You're probably right." Jill said just as the front door of the café
>burst open.

Chibi: Mein gott! Rabid zombie coffee addicts! Run!
RJ (Zombie): Jaaaavvvvaaaa....
Arekusu (Zombie 2): Give us....jaavvvaaaa...murrrr..

>"STARS!" screamed the creature Nemesis that had just bust in and began
>to run towards Jill and Carlos.

Everyone (Nemesis): JAVA!

>"Quickly into the basement!" Jill screamed as she and Carlos dove
>through the manhole.

>( II )

Arekusu: I own a DIMATE.
Chibi: You're hooked on PSO.

>Jill and Carlos both landed in a large amount of water that is
>flooding the basement. Carlos quickly sealed the hatch behind them.

Edgey: Just in case Jill tried to escape her escaped which she'd escaped.
Arekusu: Okay 'Jake'.

>"That should keep him out." Carlos said wiping the sweat from his brow.

Chibi: As sealing a hatch is very hard work.

>"Let's find a way out of here." Jill said as she started to find an
>exit.

>****

RJ: Someone is giving this lemon too high of a rating.

>Back inside the café, the Nemesis was trying to find

Edgey: The coffee maker.

>its prey. It was rather unfortunate that a young woman chose that

Arekusu: Trashy place.

>café as a hideaway. She did not even see the creature until it was
>right on top of her.

RJ, Edgey and Arekusu: *snicker* Heh heh heh...

>She tried to scream,

Chibi: In a bad lemon, no one can hear you scream.

>but no one heard her. Nemesis quickly tore the clothes from the girls
>curvy body and pushed a finger into her

Edgey: Head. Killing her altogether.

>blond snatch. The girl gasped as the pale digit penetrated

Edgey: Think membrane surrounding her head...

>the outer lips of her labia. Nemesis then tore open the girl's shirt

Chibi (Girl): *sobs* That was from the Banana Republic!
Edgey: Old Navy!
Chibi: BANANA REPUBLIC! *this goes on until RJ and Arekusu smack them both*

>and began to suck on the nipple of her left breast. The girl moaned as the
>inner muscles of her vagina clamped around the pale digit impaled in her.

Arekusu: As the number 6 is so attractive.
RJ: Shouldn't it be a..9?

>Nemesis then sucked even more of her breast into his mouth before

RJ: He sucked it right off.
Arekusu: Mmm...boobilicious.

>switching to the girl's right breast. Growing tired of just sucking on her
>breasts, Nemesis moved his mouth down to the girl's snatch and began to

Chibi: Stab her violently?
RJ: In a manner of speaking, yeah.

>lick at the juices that erupted from it. Nemesis extended its long black

RJ: That better not be hairy. Even I have limits on what I'd like to see and a black hairy tongue is not one the list.

>tongue and drove it into the girl's pussy. Nemesis drove its tongue back and
>forth through her pussy while holding the lips of her labia open with
>two fingers.

Arekusu: Which caused it to split wide open, tearing skin and flesh and she bled to death. The end. *Edgey and Chibi shudder a bit and cross their legs*

>The girl soon came releasing a river of cum from her moist pussy.

Edgey: Poor cat got left in the rain...

>Nemesis rose from the floor and removed his trench coat to reveal his

Chibi: Little friend?
Arekusu: Boomstick?
Edgey: Sho plushie?
RJ: Collection of 'The Best of Richard Simmons' videos?

>gray, erect cock. He shoved his cock into the girl's tight cunt and began
>to pump in and out of her. The girl screamed in pain as the large, >mutant member penetrated her moist vagina. Nemesis then pumped faster.

RJ (The Peeper): She moans. Oooohh...I mean.
Arekusu: MAD DESCRIPTION SKILLZ!

>Nemesis then pulled out of the girl spraying green cum all over the girl's
>tits and stomach. Nemesis then leaned over the girl and took a large
>bite out of her neck, spraying blood across the floor.

Edgey: Killing off the mood instantly.

>****

Chibi: Shall we? *everyone nods and kicks away the stars*

>Jill and Carlos continued their search of the basement. They had not found
>the way out yet and the water was up to their waists and quickly rising.

Arekusu: It seems Jill sprung a leak.

>"This is hopeless. We'll never find the exit." Jill said leaning against the
>wall in Defeat.

RJ: Defeat? Where's that?
Edgey: Somewhere in Failure just off Loss.
Chibi: A Winner Is Not You is near there I think.

>"Don't worry, Jill, We'll make it out of this." Carlos said putting a hand
>on Jill's shoulder.

>"How! I don't see any exits do you!" Jill screamed in frustration, tears
>appearing in her eyes.

Edgey (Carlos): What's the matter? Baby gonna cry? You gonna squirt some?!

>Carlos did the only thing he could do

Chibi: He shot her.

>and put his arm around Jill's waist. Jill did the same to Carlos and
>snuggled against his body, trying to escape the feel of the cold water.

Arekusu (Water): Touchy touchy...
RJ (Jill): No touchy!

>Jill felt herself become aroused and pulled closer into Carlos's embrace.
>Jill then moved her head next to Carlos's and pressed her lips to his.

Arekusu: But doesn't Jill like Chris?! ARGH!
RJ: Whoa...calm down.

>Carlos was surprised at first, but quickly joined in. Carlos ran his hands
>over Jill's body and began to caress her breasts. Jill's nipples

RJ: Exploded.

>quickly grew erect and Carlos pinched them softly. Jill broke their embrace
>to pull her shirt over her head and snap off her bra.

Arekusu: Jill...likes...CHRIS! *everything fades to black*
RJ: Retreat! *he, Edgey and Chibi retreat to the back of the theater*

A pretty red and white background flares to life and Western music plays as Arekusu appears, dressed as Gilder, two magnums (Desert Eagles of course) in hand. He pushes up the specs on his nose with one.

Arekusu: C'mon bitch!

He twirls his guns and points them at the screen, grinning from ear to ear.

Arekusu: Dance for me! *starts shooting at the screen, smoke blocking everyone's vision for a while*
Edgey: Is he done...? *one last gunshot rings out*
Chibi: Yeah.

Everyone gets back into their seats.

RJ: Hey! Part of the lemon is gone! *Arekusu sits down, dressed like himself again*

>As they rested, Jill looked up and saw a crate that she didn't notice
before.

Chibi (Jill): I got a good feeling!

>"Carlos, look!" Jill said pointing at the gate.

Edgey (Jill): *pretending to read* Annual MSTer Convention...

>( III )

Arekusu: It's a...*Chibi slaps her hand over his mouth*
Chibi: Do so kindly shut up.

>After dressing, Jill and Carlos helped each other climb from the basement
>and onto the streets of an alley.

RJ: And right into the middle of a Backstreet Boys concert!
Chibi (Jill): Ohmigodohmigod! *faints*

>"We're finally out!" said Carlos breathing a sigh of relief.

Edgey: He means that HE'S finally out.

>"We better get out of here." Jill said pointing to the end of the alley
where
>zombies could be seen.

Chibi: Oh god no! *suddenly dressed as Gilder*
Arekusu: Settle down. No zombie sex here.
Chibi: Whew...*magically changes back*

>"Yeah I know a place we can go." Said Carlos beginning to run away from the
>zombies.

RJ (Zombie): We just want your autograph! J00 ppl r00l n we ph34r u!

>"Okay." Jill said as she followed Carlos.

>****

Arekusu: Ratings done by a 60 year dirty old man

>The Nemesis left the café to continue its search for its prey confident that
>it would succeed.

Chibi (Freakazoid): I must succeed!

>END

>****

Star jokes have been negated.

>End Notes: I think this is the best of my works yet. I already have the next
>two stories in the works and they'll be out soon. I hope you enjoyed the show.

All: NO MORE TORTURE!
Arekusu: Wait a minute...I came willingly.

(Reverse Flayer...er...Door Sequence)

[SoD]

Arekusu, Edgey, Chibi and RJ are all sitting at a card table, talking to each other.

Edgey: We can't we go home yet?
Arekusu: Well..um...
RJ: Spill the beans.
Arekusu: It's because...er..
Chibi: Tell us!
Arekusu: *sheepishly* The transporters aren't in my control now...
All but Arekusu: WHAT?! *the red light flashes and RJ hits it*

[KO]

Krizalid: Because *I* have the remote control! You'll be up here as long as I want you to be! HAHAHAHAHAHA!

[SoD]

Edgey: What?! No!
Chibi: That isn't right!
RJ: It's worse than the army!

[KO]

Krizalid: That's right troops! Your next drill is coming soon! Hahahahaha! *fade to black*

____________________________________________________________________
Perhaps that was the most important part.

>Nemesis then leaned over the girl and took a large bite out of her neck,
>spraying blood across the floor.


[Season One MSTings]

Episode 001: Zelgadiss the Rapper - Prologue
Episode 002: The Anime Laws
Episode 003: Zelgadiss the Rapper - I need to be a hero
Episode 004: Time Flies
Episode 005: Zelgadiss the Rapper - You guys can sit in the back

[Season Two MSTings]

Episode 006: Little Boys with Bad Intent
Episode 007: Pure Sex
Episode 008: A Poker Game
Episode 009: Ranma ˝: Akane's Twin - Who Am I?
Episode 010: Resident Evil: Code Veronica - Trapped In A Plane
Episode 011: Resident Evil 3: Nemesis - Trapped In The Basement

[Shameless Plug Alert]

It's finally happened...

Crowded Street
http://www.angelfire.com/rpg/oy0089/index.html