"If I listened to every piece of good advice I heard, I'd have killed you all and run off with your money." - Ryudo, Grandia II

[Legal Crap]

Mystery Science Theater 3000 & the related characters are owned and copyrighted by Best Brains Inc.
K' Evans is his own person (or Orochi Leona's!) and does as he pleases. Now he wants you to just piss off.
Sycia wants to be Iori's property as far as I know.
I, Arekusu Ikari, am Sycia's stalker but I'm my own person.
Zyzyfer is wild. We'll leave him alone.
All other characters are property of their respective owners.


E-mail the original four-card stud at IkariType0@aol.com.

[Reversed Reverse Flayer]

This is not an attack or attempts to make the author look bad. It's all in good clean fun. Oh yeah... Who Am I is Lisa Emerson's work so she's quite welcome to keep it. All rights reserved n' stuff. Just don't sue me okay? Anyway, off you go peons!

[Alex's Opening Note]

Zzzz...Tio-sama and Ayanami-chan wrestling in pudding...

[MSTing for Dumdums]

In the way distant future, around 4900,
There was some man called Krizalid
He was the big boss man, yes, and the head master.
He got sick of some UBB members and one-day he got pissed.
So he whooped'em all then shot'em into space!


(Krizalid singing)

I'll send them crappy fanfics,
The worst I can possibly find! (la la la!)
I'll make them sit and watch them all,
To torture their over-posting minds! (la la la!)

(Normal Singers)
Now keep in mind they can't control,
When the fanfics begin or end. (la la la!)
They'll try to keep their sanity,
With the help of a few friends
(The Hit List!)

K' Evans! (SHUT UP!)
Sycia! (SHI-NE!)
Arekusu Ikaaari! (I'm PISSED!)
Zyzyfer! (I'm wild!)
Iori Yagami! (Playtime is over!)

If you're wondering how they eat and breathe,
And other science facts, (la la la!)
Just repeat to yourself, "It's not real!
I should really just relax."


[Krizalid's Office]

Krizalid is sitting in his chair, spinning around in circles while laughing happily. After a while, he stops and holds his head as his vision goes from distorted to normal.

"Wheeee...that was fun. I'm in such a good mood I think I'll grab four new victims to send to that satellite. Let's see what my little iMAC1 can find!" The clone giggled, inputting a few commands. A few seconds of searching brought four results up on the monitor and Krizalid nodded in approval. The monitor flickered a little and displayed the following...

[Subject One]

Name: K' Evans
Sex: Male
Age: Unknown
Birthplace: Unknown but possibly the USA
Blood Type: Unknown
Height: Unknown
Weight: Unknown
Hobby: Doing as he pleases
Favorite Food: Most likely beef jerky
Best Sport: None (he dislikes sports)
Most Important Thing: His sunglasses
Dislikes: Almost everything
Fighting Style: Violence, instincts and fire-based attacks.
Fire Color: Crimson
Other Comments: Appearance, fighting techniques and attitude similar to K' Dash's, advance with caution. It is possible that he has a thing for Orochi Leona, a fellow moderator.

[Subject Two]

Name: Sycia Crovusa
Sex: Female
Age: 18
Birthplace: Shadow Valley
Blood Type: Unknown
Height: Unknown
Weight: Unknown (Don't ask a girl that)
Hobby: Iori, learning Yagami's attacks and various things
Favorite Food: Raw meat or beef
Best Sport: Unknown
Most Important: Her opinions and crows
Dislikes: Animal abusers
Fighting Style: Yagami-style Weapon Fighting Techniques plus her instinct taught to her by Iori Yagami himself.
Fire Color: Light purple
Other Comments: Student of Yagami Iori but holds no grudge against Kusanagi Kyo but she'll kick his ass if it'd make Iori happy.

[Subject Three]

Name: Arekusu Ikari
Sex: Male
Age: Unknown
Birthplace: USA
Blood Type: O+
Height: Unknown
Weight: Unknown
Hobby: Literature
Favorite Food: Steak, poultry and dairy products
Best Sport: Football and Bowling
Most Important: His pet rats, McDohl and Hiro
Dislikes: Rat abusers, the Psycho Soldier team, bosses and children
Fighting Style: Self-made Anger Style. A mix of Yata, Kusanagi and Yagami styles.
Fire Color: Gray
Other Comments: Gets along well with K' Evans, Sycia and Zyzyfer. Also Sycia's 'kind' stalker.

[Subject Four]

Name: 'Wild' Zyzyfer
Sex: Male
Age: 21
Birthplace: USA
Blood Type: Unknown
Height: Unknown
Weight: Unknown
Hobby: Art, literature, collecting things and cocktails
Favorite Food: Lots of things
Best Sport: Most sports
Most Important: His stuff
Dislikes: Bent things and stupid people
Fighting Style: Self-made Drunken Master techniques as well as Daigo's and Iori's.
Fire Color: Purple
Other Comments: Capable of going wild. Avoid at all costs during that time.

Krizalid snickered as he read the information silently. All four seemed so interesting and fun to torture and you know what? It sounded like so much fun that he was going to torture them! With a click of his mouse, Krizalid double-clicked on a rocket icon that was labeled 'Transporter'...

[Unknown Location]

A silver haired man and a sapphire haired woman are walking in the park, hand in hand. The moon is shining down upon the couple and adding to the romantic feel as well as emitting the subtle and captivating nocturnal beauty it naturally does. The woman leaned against her companion and smiled, nuzzling against him.

"The night is so beautiful Evans-kun...I just want to stay in your arms for the rest of the night..." Leona purred, nuzzling against her lover's chest.

"Then you will my beloved Leona. We'll stay like this the wh-" K's words were cut off as Leona cupped his chin and pulled him down into a passionate kiss. At some point in this touching scene, the author decided to transport Evans away to avoid digging his grave any deeper than it already is, leaving Leona confused and without sex for a night.

[Somewhere in Asia]

Two redheads are standing in a parking garage. Across from them, two young men with dark brown hair waiting. The shorter redhead was clad in a strange outfit. She wore a gray jacket with a white T-shirt under it along with some red pants. The strange part of this was that around her knees, a red belt was secured. The taller redhead, clearly a male, growls and opens his palm to reveal a ball of purple fire. The older brown haired man drew his hand back and summoned a crimson sphere.

"Why don't you just die Kyo Kusanagi?!" The redhead shouted, anger emitting from him in violent waves.

"Iori Yagami...I'm not here just for you!" The other yelled back, sounding just as angry.

Before either of the two could engage in any sort of physical combat, a beam of light suddenly shot from the sky and covered the two redheads. Within the blink of an eye, they vanished.

[USA, outside a high school]

A tall muscular man is standing near the gates of a high school. Covering most of his body is a jet-black trenchcoat, buttoned up all the way. However, a tiny bit of charcoal blackness poked above the collar of the coat as well as around the bottom of it, showing that he also wore matching slacks. After a few moments of waiting, he slowly turned and walked away just as that light appeared around him. Opening his good eye in mild confusion, the man could've sworn he heard a voice before he vanished.

"Target: (Wild) Zyzyfer Captured..."

[USA, abandoned parking lot]

A young man with black hair (with blonde tips) is standing in the middle of the lot. He's dressed in a gray T-shirt, black jeans with a matching vest and fingerless gloves. Around him, straw dummies have been laid out in a straight line; tiny frowns drawn on each.

"Shall we begin...?" He asks no one in particular, extending his left arm toward a dummy. With a shout, he darts forward and a duplicate of him 'image' that was left behind him fades away. Thrusting his elbow out into the dummy's midsection, the man swings his other arm around to grab its head and force it to the ground.

"Burn and die!" He shouts to no one as the training dummy is suddenly covered in gray fire, withering and burning to nothing. Behind him, a tiny eye was processing what it had just seen.

"...Move found. Anger Style #17: Heavenly Moon Negative. Style match found. Clearly Arekusu Ikari's Anger Style. Sending approval for transportation." That said the familiar beam of light shot out the sky and engulfed the man.

[Unknown Satellite]

Five glowing stars from various places on the planet fly away from the earth and toward a large satellite in deep space. Each star lands in what looks like a control room, every star transforming into their respective captive. Evans glances at the others and almost strangles Arekusu.

"Hey...! It's Ikari! Where am I?! Where's Leona?! This was all your doing wasn't it?!" He shouts in annoyance, taking some menacing steps forward before taking notice to Zyzyfer and the two redheads. "Zyzyfer...? Sycia? Iori?! What's going on here?!"

As if on cue, a nearby monitor turned itself on to show Krizalid laughing at them while they all jumped back and assumed their battle stances.

"Hello my new little pets! Welcome to your deathbed. I will be torturing you all here. Feel free to name that place whatever you want. My staff was kind enough to give you all a bathroom, dining room, lounge and bedroom. You'll all be up here for a very long time so you should get used to it." K's clone giggled, spinning around in his chair again.

"Heh. We'll call it the Church of Evans." Sycia and Arekusu laughed, exchanging high-fives.

"How are we being tortured?" Zyzyfer growled, folding his arms over his chest.

"Nothing too painful. You all just have to read bad fanfics. Speaking of which, your piece of torment today will be 'Akane's Twin: Who am I?'. I hope you all don't enjoy it." Krizalid replied, double clicking on a catapult icon labeled 'Fanfic Sender'. Alarms wail and lights start flashing on the bridge of the satellite.

"Holy shit! We've got fanfic sign!" Iori shouted before everyone turns and runs toward the theater doors.

[Door Sequence]

Door 6: Its Orochinagi's BB! You push through all the spam.
Door 5: It's a pitfall with a door at the bottom. You jump in.
Door 4: It's an ad for King of Fighters 2001! You squeal with glee.
Door 3: It's a group of thugs. Everyone laughs and swats them aside.
Door 2: It's Akira without her helmet! Arekusu drools and Zyzyfer drags him away.
Door 1: Sliding patio door. You slide it open.

[Seating Chart: Evans, Zyzyfer, Sycia, Iori and Arekusu]

>Who Am I?
>Lisa Emerson
Evans: You should be ashamed of yourself Ikari. Picking on a semi-deaf girl.
Arekusu: Kiss my ass Evans. I told her that we didn't mean anything by this.
Evans: I was only joking. Pissy much Ikari?
Arekusu: Is that Orochi Leona I hear demanding to feel you Heat Drive her?
Evans: Where?!
Arekusu: *grinning* Just messing with you Evans.


>= Nerima, Japan =

>Kasumi marches out of the kitchen and she eyes the living room.
>There's no body in the living room.

Sycia (Kasumi): It must've turned into a zombie...
Arekusu: Don't say things like that!
Sycia: Why...?

A horde of zombies suddenly bursts into the theater. All four UBB members duck and roll out into the aisles, sudden armed with various firearms while Iori just watches. In a brief action movie scene, the four BB members start shooting and doing rolls, jump shots and the classic fall-back-while-shooting thing. Minutes later, the undead are lying on the ground without heads or other body parts while the victors pose together.

All: Ninmu kanryou! (Mission complete!)

Everyone returns to his or her seats and Arekusu glances at Sycia.

Arekusu: That's why.

>She sighs in sadness and decides to walk to the Tendo Dojo. She finds Soun with
>his legs crossed sitting on the floor all alone in silence.

Zyzyfer (Soun): I can't believe I missed the Superbowl...
Arekusu: It was nothing big.

>Kasumi whispers: "Daddy, do you want some lunch?"
>Soun starts: "Oh, I'm sorry. I was thinking about som---Er...Yes, dear.."
>Kasumi: "I know today's one year since Akane died.

Iori (Ranma): Huzzah! The bitch is dead! Now I can marry Shampoo and have GOOD food for a change!
Sycia (Shampoo): Shampoo food poison kill Ranma stupid fake bride? Good! Shampoo have mind-blowing sex with Ranma now...er...Shampoo go cook Ranma good food now.

>It's ok to think about her, we all still do. It's so sad that everything isn't
>the same as before. Ranma and Genma moved to live with Nodoka. It's very hard
>for all of us to be without Akane, but everything's going to be okay. Please
>come with me. "

Zyzyfer (Kasumi): The firing squad is waiting outside...

>Soun tears

Arekusu: Himself apart.
Evans: Lame.
Arekusu: I could be a lot darker.
Iori: I could do better.

>:"Oh, you're such a good daughter to me. We all miss her so much and we always

Sycia (Soun): Which is why her tombstone says 'Born a tomboy, died a tomboy'.

>Kasumi smiles in pain: " Yes, we will. "

Zyzyfer (Kasumi): She had the nerve to call my cooking bad...the bitch! I hate her! Die die die die die die die!!


Evans: RPGamer is handing out free tildes!

>= U.S.A, California =
>Gail marches out of kitchen to the stairs.

Arekusu: When did Dino Crisis become a fanfic?

>Gail yells : " MINA, IT'S TIME TO GET UP NOW!! "
>Mina's eyes open halfway with groan : " Ma, give me ten more minutes. "
>Mina's eyes pop

Iori: In a spray of blood, sticky stuff and human flesh which coated the walls. Her sockets gushed a fountain of blood and she died. The end.

>Mina rises quickly, the blanket wraps around her ankle.

Arekusu: Along with her panties...*WHAM!*
Zyzyfer: Don't you start with that.

>* THUD *

Evans: A body just hit the floor.

>Mina rubs her face with her hand : " Oww!...My face..."
>Gail chuckles : " That's the spirit. "

Sycia (Gail): You fall on your face just like I did. Your father married me to make sure I didn't kill myself through stupidity.

>Mina gets out of shower

All: ...A winner is us!

>, gets dressed, and brushes her hair. She comes out of the bathroom to the
>kitchen. Gail has cooked some breakfast for Mina.
>Mina : " Ma, why don't you let me cook breakfast 'cause remember today it's my
>job to cook?"

Zyzyfer (Gail): Quiet bitch. I do the cooking around here.

>Gail with a smirk : " Oh, don't push yourself too hard. You need to study a
>little bit more before you leave.

Iori (Gail): Now hit the books!
Sycia (Mina): *literally hits the books*

>Mina's brows slant down in puzzlement : " Little more time? "
>Mina's head turns to look at the clock. It was only 6:30 am and her school
>doesn't start until at 8 am.

Arekusu: So there was plenty of time to get her guns and whips ready.

>Mina drops her head as she sighs : " I shouldn't have broken the alarm clock
>yesterday. "

Sycia (Mina): Ranma was just so GOOD that I couldn't help it!

>Gail : " Never mind that. Now, sit sit sit and

Zyzyfer: Eat eat eat so so so you you you have have have some some some brainfood brainfood brainfood.
Iori: Was that called for...?
Zyzyfer: No but it was fun.

>eat before your breakfast gets cold. "

>= University High School =

>Gail drives up in her

Arekusu: Super Delicious Great Atomic...ah screw it.

>Nissan X-Terra with Mina and then stops at the front of high school to drop her

>Gail smiles : " Good luck, sweetheart. "

Evans (Gail): I'll be right down the street if you need more ammo or weapons!

>Mina : " Thanks! "

>Gail drives away to her work. Mina stands in front of the high school with her
>backpak on her back.

Iori: WOW! She has a backpack...on her BACK! What next?! A hairband in her HAIR?!
Arekusu: Big words from someone who has a belt around his KNEES.

>Mina groans : " I hate school! Please, please give me strength before I take
>the final exams."

Arekusu: Unfortunately, the goddess of hentai answered her plea and she ended up doing kinky things to her classmates. *WA-TAK!*
Zyzyfer: Dammit boy...

>Girl's voice : " Who are you talking to? The sky again? "

Sycia (Mina): But Gill answered me!
Iori (Voice): Gill-sama?! In his glowing thong?!
Sycia (Mina): ^_^ Yes!
Arekusu (Gill): *hanging up the phone* God damn prank calls.

>Mina starts and spins to face her best friend, Rea Richmond.

Iori: Reh?
Arekusu: Rah?
Sycia: Bleh?

>Mina blushes in embarrassment : " Er....Hi Rea, I'm so nervous about taking the
>final exams. I'm not good at it. I'm soo jealous of you 'cause you're one of
>the best students in high school. Please help me cheat! "

Arekusu: *snickers*
Zyzyfer: *sigh*

>Rea giggles : " No, I know you can do it without my help. Next time, don't talk
>to the sky again otherwise, people will think you're a wacko! "

Iori: It's too late for that.
Evans (Rea): And my legs are more beautiful than yours! The girl with the cat!

>Mina whimpers : " B-b-but.."

Sycia (Mina): My legs are beautiful too...

>Rea : " Come on, we better go to our classes now. And don't you worry because I
>have faith in you. "

Iori (Rea): Blind faith.

>Mina sighs : " You never change, but thanks. Good luck, Rea. "

>Rea : " Good luck to you too. "

>= Lunch time =

>Mina's head pops

Arekusu and Iori: In a shower of bone, flesh and crimson vital fluids. *glare at each other* And do add to the chaos, the headless body pulled a Desert Eagle out of its bra, turning toward it's former students and firing round after round. Each bullet went clean through every skull it hit, causing it to burst open and cover the floor in gray brain matter. *growl at each other*

>into the lunch room looking for Rea. She spots Rea at the table and runs up to
>her. She sits beside Rea.

>Mina : " How'd it go? "

>Rea finishes her soda : " It went great and I have no problem. How about you? "

Sycia (Mina): Well Ranma was pretty gentle and real romantic but once we got going, he turned into an animal...GAH! Arekusu's perverted comments have gotten to me!
Arekusu (Alex): You can't escape!

>Mina smiles : " It went well. Goodness, I studied so hard. Thanks to my mom for
>waking me up early this morning, so that I had enough time to study. "

>Rea grins with a raised brow

Zyzyfer (Rea/The Rock): Do you smell what The Richmond is cookin'?

>:" See, what did I tell you, eh?? "

>Mina : " Shut up! But..."

Iori: And we all have one.

>Rea as bore : " But what? "

>Mina plays with

Arekusu: *jumps on top of his seat* HERSELF! *WHAMWHAMWA-TAK!*
Zyzyfer: Stop that goddamn it!

>her fingers : " Our next period will be our biology class. "

>Rea realizes : " Oh, at that I know you suck at that badly. "

Evans (Rea): You practically broke your jaw when you tried with Ranma...damn! It's gotten to me too!
Arekusu: Two down, two to go.


>Rea snorts : " NO, I'm not going to!! You'll have to do it on your own this
>time. Hey, did you bring someone's blood test for type? "

>Mina sheepish

Zyzyfer (Da P): Bah bah sheep. Bah bah sheep.

>: " It's my mother's blood. "

Iori: Insert Vampire Princess Miyu reference here.

>Rea rolls her eyes: " Geez, you're unbelievable! Try to do your best. "

>Mina mumbles: " You're no help at all! "

Iori (Rea): That's not what you said last night...REH! He got me too!
Arekusu: How long will you last Fer?
Zyzyfer: Pretty damn long.

>Rea: " Someday, you will thank to me. "

Arekusu (Rea): For all that sweeeeet lovin'!

>* Bell rings *

>Rea and Mina dash into the biology class and grab the exam papers and the blood
>type equipment from their teacher, Mr. Hanson. "

All: AHHHHH! One of them is still alive!
Krizalid's voice: Mmmmm...bop!
Evans: REH! *Second Shoots the speaker*

>= Near an hour later =

>Mina's thinking: " Whew, these questions weren't all that bad, but at least I
>tried. O-kay, now let's test my mother's blood. "

Sycia (Mina): Tastes kind sweet...
Evans: Take four people. Break time.

[Reverse Door Sequence]

Evans is standing on one side of the room and Arekusu on the other. On the sidelines, Sycia and Iori watch with great interest at what might possibly be a short fight. Zyzyfer on the other hand, was busy with a game of King of Fighters 1999: Dream Match (and the fourth wall shattered at that moment).

"...I alone will be enough." The silver haired man muttered, pulling off his shades and placing them in the pocket of his jacket.

"But you're alone anyway." Sycia laughed, shutting her mouth when Evans shot her a glare of death before looking toward Arekusu.

"Shall we begin?" His opponent asked in mock curiosity, zipping down his vest before holding his left arm out. Wasting no time, the younger of the two fighters lunged forward and grabbed for his opponent's waist. Evans kicked back and sprung forward, bringing his boot up to hit his enemy upside the head with of a loud shout. The force of the kick sent Arekusu spiraling away and into the nearest wall but regardless, he stood and shook his head to clear his blurry vision.

"Minute Spike." Iori commented from the safety of the couch while Sycia wrote something down on a note pad. Relatively pissed from getting a few of his brain cells knocked senseless, Arekusu charged again and slammed his elbow into Evans' gut, who in turn, grabbed his stomach in pain as he leaned over. Taking to the air with a poorly executed backflip, the boy held his feet out to strike his stunned rival in the jaw, knocking him to the floor while he continued upward. Righting himself in mid-flight, Arekusu bent his legs back and dropped toward the downed Evans knees first. Before the attack could hit, Evans rolled out of the way and smirked as his opponent's knees made a sickening crack sound upon hitting the floor.

"Dream Knee Pressure." Iori commented again. Just as the fight was about to go on, more lights and alarms went off.

"Don't look now folks but we got fanfic sign again!" Zyzyfer shouted, turning off his game.

[Door Sequence]

>Mina starts to work on the blood. The test develops to the shade of blood type >* O. *

Sycia: What's an O.? I know what an O.o is but not an O.
Evans: It must be like an X.
Arekusu: Or a >.
Zyzyfer: *sigh* You guys...

>Mina: " Yeessss! I did it right.. It's not that bad after all. I wanna do it
>again..Eh, why not try mine? "

Iori: Mina then bit her forearm and sucked the blood out of it.
Evans (Mina): Itchy...tasty...

>She decides to prick her finger to test her blood type. The test develops to
>the shade of blood type * A. * Mina's heart sinks.

Arekusu (Heart): We need more power!
Evans (Heart): I can't do it cap'n! She don't got the power!

>Mina's eyes narrows and she whispers: " Impossible. I must be mistaken 'cause I
>suck at this. "

Sycia: Argh...I can feel that virus willing me to comment!
Evans: Me too...I'll get you for this Ikari!
Arekusu: Blah blah blah...all talk.

>Mr. Hanson walks over to her: " Is everything okay? "

>Mina's face turns to look at him in puzzlement: " U-u-umm, I'm not sure if I
>did this right. "

Arekusu: *notes the stares* It's too easy so I won't bother.

>Mr. Hanson: " Hmm, let me see it. "

>Mina's head turns to her shoulder looking at Rea in puzzlement.

>Rea moves her lips without voice, " What's wrong? "

Iori: She speaks yet there is no voice? CONFUSING.
Sycia: ...ya know.

>Mina shakes her head and shrugs: " I-I-I----"

Zyzyfer (Mina): H-h-have to fix my s-s-stutter.

>Mina stops and turns back to face her teacher when he speaks: " I don't see
>anything wrong, but you did a good job, Mina. "

Sycia (Mina): *screams* Oh no! Compliments!

>Mina's eyes wide open and she whispers in shock: " No, this must be a joke. "

Zyzyfer (Rea): It is! HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Arekusu (Mr. Hanson): All at your expense! BWAHAHAHAHA!
Evans and Sycia: ......

>Mr. Hanson concerns: " I'm sorry, but what did you say? "

>Mina starts and blinks: " Um...Uh, never mind.. Thanks...

>* Bell rings *

All: o/~ Schooooooools out for SUMMER! o/~

>Mr. Hanson shouts: " OK EVERYBODY, HAVE A NICE DAY. "

>Rea walks from her desk up to Mina. When Mina tries to rise, Rea studies Mina's
>face is pale.

Iori: She turned into a...
All but Iori: Don't say it!
Iori: But I was just going to say...
All but Iori: NO!

>Rea whispers in concern: " Mina, what's wrong? You heard the teacher..It's
>great, isn't it? "

Sycia (Mature): It feels so good...
Arekusu (Vice): Fall!

>Mina shakes her head : " That's not the point. "

>Rea's brows slant down as she gazes at the results in Mina's hand.

>Rea takes it from Mina's hand and reads it : " This one is your mother's but
>this other one's whose? "

Orochi Leona's voice: It came from Evans when he wiped his...
Evans: *ouch*
Everyone else: *snicker*

>Mina whispers : " It's mine. "

>Rea's brow raises : " So, what's the problem? "

Alarm: WARNING! Incoming plot device!
Krizalid's voice: Just testing it...

>Mina bends her head down : " My mother told me we've the same blood types. "

>Rea gasps : " What?! Wait a minutes these results could be wrong, right? "

>Mina turns to look at Rea with a weak smile on her face : " You heard Mr.

Zyzyfer (Mina): I did GOOD!

>Rea protests midly : " What if he's wrong..Please try not to----"

>Mina interrupts : " I think I need to go home. "

Arekusu: So I can...*WHAM!*
Zyzyfer: ......

>Rea worries : " But what about our PE class? "

Iori (Rea): We learn off to fend off evil mitochondria monsters today!

>Mina races out of the class without answering her question.

>= Home, Mina's bedroom =

Zyzyfer: Let's see what color her panties are...!

Arekusu jumps on top of the seats again and poses with a wide grin on his face.

Arekusu: ...Ore no...kachi da. (This is my win!)
Zyzyfer: REH!

>Mina pulls her knees towards her chest on her bed all alone in silence. She
>still has the results in her hand. In her another hand, she stares at the
>picture of her and her mother when they were in Hawaii. Her mind went off

Zyzyfer: -line. Shutting her down completely.
Syica (Mina): Does not compute...does not compute...

>thinking of how she really admires that picture of them both together. Gail
>held Mina's shoulders with her hands in the picture. Gail and Mina were filled

Arekusu: *snickers*
All but Arekusu: *sigh*

>with joy at that time when they were on their vacation. ( She didn't realizes
>that the principal, Kuno was chasing after a young Hawaiian boy with a scissor
>in principal's hand behind Mina and Gail's backs in the picture. ) Her mind was

Iori: Blown to hell when she thought too much.
Zyzyfer: Pop!

>interrupted when her mother burst into the house.

>Gail yells in panic : " MINA, MINA ARE YOU HOME?! "

Sycia: Upset by the silence, Gail hustled the hitmen away.

>Gail hurries to look for Mina in the house. As she was going to Mina's bedroom,
>she stops. She notices Mina is standing in the hall with a vague look on her face.

All: ...?
Evans: How does one look vague?
Arekusu: ...Like this...*looks vague*
All but Arekusu: Ooohh...

>Gail worries : " Mina, are you alright? Your school called me and said you had
>just left without leaving them a note. Were you upset about the finals? I
>worried that you had failed all the finals but it's ok----"

>Mina opens her mouth

Iori: Now insert the foot.

>: " Who am I? "

>Gail's face turns pale.

Arekusu (Gail): Braaaaains...

>Gail pants in fear : " Mina, what are you talking about? "

>Mina's eyes narrows in anger as she throws the results at her mother : " I took
>your blood and mine today and those blood types I tested weren't the same....

Sycia (Mina): Yours was tasty and mine wasn't!

>Tell me why is my type * A * and your is * O *? "

Zyzyfer: And why mine is...ah...it's too easy.

>Gail chokes when she reads it : " Those results must be wrong! "

>Mina demands : " WHO AM I?! ANSWER ME!! "

>Gail's knees become weak as she kneels down onto the floor.

Evans: Mina shot her kneecaps out.

>Her body shakes and breaks into sobs : " Please forgive me, Mina. I didn't wan
>to tell you the truth because I was afraid that you'd leave me. You're my

Arekusu (Gail): Lover! *WHAM!*
Zyzyfer: That wasn't funny.

>daughter who I love the most. I cannot lose you and you're more important to me
>than anything in this world. Please don't leave me. I love you, Mina. "

Zyzyfer looks toward Arekusu, who shrugs.

Arekusu: I told you so.

>Mina dashes to her mother and embraces her.

>Mina in pain : " I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell at you like that. Please tell
>me the truth, I need to know who I am. If you tell me the truth it doesn't mean

Iori (Mina): That I WON'T kill you. It means I WILL kill you.

>you will lose me. You're my mother who raised me and taught me many wonderful
>things. I'll always cherish it in my heart. Truth or a lie you'll always be my

Arekusu (Mina): Lo--*ducks a punch from Zyzyfer*

>mother and you will never lose me. "

>Gail looks into Mina's eyes and bursts out sobbing.

>Gail : " I'm so sorry. Here I will tell you the truth. "

Evans: Prepare for an RPG cutscene.
All: YAY!

>Mina leads her mother to the kitchen and helps her sit on a chair. Mina went to
>make some green tea. She remembers Gail taught her that green tea was very
>important to their tradition.

Iori: Just like porn and hentai.
Zyzyfer: Mmm...Ran...
Arekusu: Mmm...Sakura...
Evans: Mmm...Leona...
Iori E's voice: Mmm...Natsu...
Sycia: You perverts!
Zyzyfer: Hey! Ran, Sakura and Natsu are all foods! Not sure about Leona...

>Mina put the cups and kettle on table. She pours green tea in her mother's cup
>and hers. Gail watches her carefully with a weak smile on her face.

Evans: Alright. This is just weird. How can you carefully watch someone?
Zyzyfer: Like this. *watches Evans carefully*

>Gail : " I can't believe you've grown into a beautiful lady and I'm very
>grateful to have you in my life. I'm so sorry, I should've told you the truth

>Mina : " Ma, It's------Hey, what're you doing?! "

Arekusu (Mina): Mom! Put your pants back on!

>Gail raises from her chair, kneels down, and she moves her head down onto back
>of her hands on the floor as she bows deeply in the Japanese way to Mina.

Sycia: *eye roll* Japanese way? I thought we were talking about the Spanish way.

>Gail speaks in Japanese : " I, Sakuma Gail beg of you to forgive me for not
>telling you secret of who you are. "

Iori: I bet it's really TAKUMA.
Zyzyfer: He runs like a turd burgular.

>Mina blinks : " Ma this isn't like you. Please get up..What did you say? I
>don't understand. "

Evans (Gail): I spoke in English but it was somehow Japanese.
Arekusu (Mina): Oh...

>Gail's head raises with a weak smile on her face : " Japan is where you came
>from. "

Zyzyfer (Gail): I mean, literally. It just spit you out.

>Mina : " Japan? "

>Gail : " Yes, that's where you were born. I took you away from my dear best
>friend. I even lied to her that you were stillborn. You have a beautiful twin
>sister, Akane.

Iori: Who was later killed by her own horrible cooking.

>Mina interrupts : " WHOA! Wait a min, you took me and you lied to your own best
>friend I meant my mother. They think I died. But why? Why can't you get
>pregnant or get married and have a family? "

Everyone glares at Arekusu who was about to say something.

>Gail's smile fades in pain : " I can't have babies anymore. There was a
>stranger who raped me in Japan when I was your age. He took pieces of my soul

Arekusu (Shang Tsung): Your soul...is mine.

>and he also destroyed my body which was why I can't have babies. After he raped
>me and he stabbed me several times. Let me show your my scars.

Zyzyfer: Whoooooa! This is getting scary.

>Gail raises from the floor and pulls her shirt up to show her scars on her
>upper and lower stomach. Mina gapes in shock at the scars.

Sycia and Iori: ^_^ What beautiful scars...
Arekusu, Zyzyfer and Evans: ...

>Mina whispers softly : " Mom..."

>Gail pulls her shirt back down : " I should be dead, but I was very lucky to be
>alive when a savior found me quickly after the rapist left. The police later

Evans (Gail): Raped me too to put me out of my misery.

>found the rapist and sentenced him for life, but it didn't change anything for
>the person I was before. I vowed to myself that I'd never get married to any

Arekusu (Gail): So I married this nice woman named Mature...

>Your mother knew about this and she was very supportive of me, but I repudiated
>her. I was angry at your mother at that time because none of this had happen to
>her, but only me. The years have gone by as in the mist of thin air. I hardly

Sycia: This is some totally messed up shit.

>knew she was there anymore. Your mother tried to get a hold of me, but I didn't
>want to hurt her by what I had to say to her, Without words said there was
>never a time we saw each other again.

Zyzyfer (Gail): So then I could have Mature all to myself.
Sycia: Rattafer!
Arekusu (Gail): Then I married Vice too...
Sycia: Little brother!
Evans (Gail): We had a honeymoon...
Sycia: Evans!
Iori (Gail): And plenty of 'fun' afterwards.
Sycia: IORI-SAMA?!

>Few years later, I became a nurse and I didn't expect to see your mother again
>when she was in labor.. She was accompanied by her husband and two daughters (
>Kasumi and Nabiki.

Sycia (Gail): Nabiki made a bet that Akane died and Kasumi cleaned up the mess.

>) I'll never forget that surprised joyful look upon your mother's face when we
>reunited again. I was flattered when her daughters called me aunt. She begged

Arekusu: ......
Evans: Got nothing to say?
Arekusu: Nope. It's too easy.

>me to stay with her and it was so hard for me, but I was happy to see her

>I helped the doctor to delivered your sister, Akane first and she was so
>beautiful. Then you were born at last, the doctor delivered you into my arms
>and then suddenly your eyes opened. Those beautiful gold eyes of yours looked

Sycia (Gail): Like a mazoku's so I threw you into the trash with the rest of the scum.
Arekusu: Yes. All mazoku are scum.
Iori: Gale?

>into my eyes and you hand held my thumb. You were smiling at me and you touched
>my heart deep within. It was like everything from my past had disappeared and
>you fulfilled me with a new life. And suddenly I fell in love with you and you
>were the most beautiful angel I had ever see in my life. I felt like you came

Evans (Gail): But I did and dropped you on your head. Everyone thought you were dead and asked me to bring you to the morgue but I brought you home and raised you instead.

>for me and somehow I couldn't let you go.

>I took you and Akane to different rooms for a clean up. I drugged you a little
>bit to help you sleep, so nobody would hear your cry. And I hid you away, so

Zyzyfer (Gail): Horribly.

>nobody would find you. I went to a special waiting room for a patient who died
>recently. I found a stillborn baby which I heard that looked exactly like you.
>I brought the stillborn back to the room where Akane was. I ran down the hall

Iori: Let's hope the janitor waxed the floor.

>and yelled out for help. The doctor came and tried to save that stillborn
>child, but there was no way to save that little child or for a miracle to

Arekusu: End this god damn fanfic.

>happen. I thought I'd failed because I never had done that before. I was scared
>I might have failed, but I was very lucky. The doctor told the family what has
>happened. It hurt me incredibly when I saw their faces. I knew what I did was

Evans: Meant for plot development.

>wrong. I was thinking about giving you up, but it was too late. I just couldn't
>because I was so scared to go back to that old pain. I went to your mother as
>she cried for you. I said my last words to her, " I'm so sorry. "

Iori (Mina): So the truth is, you're a little wussy bitch who stole me from my own damn mother?

>After that I took off with you running away and moved to California. I knew
>what I did was so terrible and cruel. I'll always regret what I had done and
>still do now. This will be for the rest of my life I have to carry with me.

Zyzyfer: Now get the hell out of here.

>I've not heard from your parents since I moved here with you. Please forgive
>me. I wish I had never done this to my very own dear best friend. I didn't mean
>to ruin her life like that. I'm very sorry. I don't know how to apologize more."

Sycia (Gail): Oh wait...nevermind. Sorry sorry sorry sorry...

>Mina's eyes flow with tears and she suddenly embraces her mother's shoulders >with her arms.

>She rests her head on Gail's head. Gail bursts out sobbing and

Arekusu and Iori: After a moment, Mina tightened her grip so much and squished Gail's head
like a grape.

>returns her hug tightly.

>Mina whispers softly : " It's ok, mom. Everything's going to be okay. I know

Evans (Mina): Too much.

>what you did was wrong, but I still love you no matter what 'cause you're still my mother.
>You raised me and taught me very well. You never harmed me. I'm very

Zyzyfer: Very pissed of about not getting the truth.

>grateful for everything you have done for me. First of all, you need to tell my
>parents the truth and ask for their forgiveness too. I will always be on your
>side. "

Arekusu: Sadly, the Tendos had someone with the Talk Skill equipped and used Invitation on Mina.
Evans: Probably Nabiki.

>Gail sobs : " Oh thank you, Mina...I will confront them with the truth. "

>Mina smiles in pain and they still cling to each other in the kitchen in
>silence, except the sound of tears.

Every glares at Arekusu who shuts up instantly.

>= Rea's home =

>* Phone rings *

Sycia: Insert Jerky Boys refrence here.

>Rea : " Hello, is it Mina? "

Evans: No, it's Bob!
All else: *gasp* Not Bob!

>Mina : " Yeah, it's me alright. Hey, I'm sorry about what happened today. I
>don't mean---"

>Rea interrupts

Sycia: *snicker* COUNTER!

>: " Don't worry about it. Are you okay? "

>Mina : " Yeah, thanks, can I come over to talk? "

Arekusu (Rea): N...no. I'm kind of busy with my boyfriend... *mock moan*

>Rea : " Yes...Help yourself come over. "

>Mina : " Thanks, Rea..See you soon, bye. "

>Rea hangs up the phone and wonders in a very strange way : " I have a bad

>feeling about this. "

Chibi-chan's voice: INTENSE PSYCHIC ACTION!
Sycia (Athena): Psycho SHOOT!
Arekusu: ARGH! No Psycho Soldiers!

>= Mina's home =

>Mina opens the door : " Ma, I'm going to see Rea and I should be back soon.
>Love you. "

>Gail sniffles : " Ok, please be careful. Please remember the Martial Arts that
>your master taught you. "

Zyzyfer: ...Was this a Drunken Master?
Oro's voice: No! No one but us knows of our mighty techniques!

>Mina : " Yeah, I know and thanks. I will be home soon. Bye-bye. "

>Gail : " Love you, sweetheart. "

>Gail smiles and watches the door closed.

>Gail sighs in pain : " Yes, I will ask for their forgiveness. I better give
>them a call now. "

Iori: But instead...Gail made prank calls.

>= Rea's home =

>Mina enters the house and greets Rea's mother.

>Carla ( Rea's mother ) brightly : " Hi Mina, would you like to stay here for
>dinner? "

Arekusu (Carla): We're having...roast twin sister! OHOHOHOHOHO!

>Mina smiles : " I can't stay, but thanks. "

>Patrick ( Rea's father ) : " Mina, what a surprise..How you do? Um...About
>Kenny, I'd like you----"

Zyzyfer (Kenny): *muffled talking*

>Mina rolls her eyes : " Later. "

>Patrick frowns : " Wait, I'm not finish with you. "

Arekusu: All your base are belong to us.

>Mina ignores Patrick on her way to up to Rea's bedroom. Before she enters Rea's
>bedroom, she hears a male voice screaming her name. She glances over at Rea's
>brother, Kenny. Kenny jumps in the air with his arms opened toward her.

All but Arekusu: GLOMP!
Arekusu: GROPE!

>Kenny dreamily : " MY MINA!! "

>* WHOK...THUD *

>Mina plants her foot in his face and he collapses to the floor.

Chibi-chan's voice: WHAM!

>Rea opens the door : " Hi Mina! "

>Rea studies a foot shaped mark on Kenny's face while he was still unconscious
>on the floor in the hall.

>Rea's eyes narrows in bore : " Sheeze, I wonder when my OWN older brother's
>gonna give up on you? "

Evans (Kenny/Ellis): Ah nevah give uph!

>Mina enters Rea's bedroom and Rea closes the door behind. They were startle by
>Kenny's scream.

>Kenny cries out : " I'LL NEVER GIVE UP ON MY MINA!! "

>Rea shakes her head in disgust : " He never changes. "

Arekusu: Damn humans. They don't change fast enough.
Zyzyfer: Sorry we don't evolve fast enough for you.

>Mina's eye twitches : " Are you sure the UFO aliens didn't implanted their
>sperm into your mother's egg when carrying Kenny? "

Everyone looks toward Arekusu again who blinks and looks at them funny.

Arekusu: What?

>They were startle again by Rea's father and brother's shout.

>Patrick and Kenny in unison : " THAT ISN'T TRUE, DO YOU HEAR? "

>Rea shouts back at the door : " WILL YOU STAY OUT OF IT, DAD?! Geez...."

Arekusu: The father was an alien so the mother didn't need to have anything implanted in her.

>Mina mumbles : " Like father, like son. "

>Rea : " Anyway, are you alright, Mina? Tell me what happened? "

>Mina sighs : " Honestly, you better sit down. "

>Rea sits down on bed and listens to Mina's story.

Evans: Is the screen going to fade out then back in so Mina can say 'And that's my story.'?
Arekusu: Vandal Hearts 2 was like that.

>= Outside =

>Rea's scream rocks her house.

All but Arekusu: Don't you dare.
Arekusu: What? All I was going to say is that--*WHAM*

>First neighbor : " Honey, what is that?! "

>Second neighbor : " Listen son, stop playing with your exorstist kit!! "

>Son : " But dad, it wasn't me!! "

>Father : " Don't you dare lie to me again!! "

>Third neighbor : " Are you sure it isn't Godzilla in our town?! "

Iori (Fourth Neighbor): Kyo Kusanagi came to town!
Sycia (Fifth Neighbor): Godzilla only attacked Tokyo!

>= Rea's bedroom =

>Rea jolts : " YOUR MOTHER DID WHAT?! "

Arekusu: *opensh is mouth to say something but is punched by Zyzyfer*
Zyzyfer: Hentai is one thing but incest is another. >_<


Evans: *answer rapidly*


>Rea growls outloud at the door : " GRRRRRRRRR!! "

Sycia (Rea): REEEEH!

>Mina blinks : " I think you've gone too far. "

>Rea sighs heavily : " Ok, I'm calm.. Give me your explanation. "

>Mina : " Please don't take this too personal about her ways. She is my mother
>and she'll always be. Please try to understand. "

Evans (Rea): That isn't possible. My brain is far too tiny.

>Rea snorts : " If I were you then there's no way for me to forgive her, but I'm
>sorry. "

>Mina sits bolt upright glaring at Rea

Zyzyfer: And promptly bitch-slapped her.
Arekusu: BIATCH!

>: " My mother was always there for me and protected me when I needed her. She
>gave me her love and happiness. I don't regret for having her in my life. I'm
>sorry if you don't like it, but please accept it for the way it is now. "

Iori (Mina): You will be part of the collective. There is no escape.

>Rea studies Mina's face : " I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say it like that. I
>understand your feelings, so what are you going to do about your * real *
>family? "

Zyzyfer (Mina): Find them and kill them.

>Mina shakes her head as she sighs : " Honestly, I don't know, but the only one
>thing is that my mother and I might have to go back to Japan to meet them and
>she will ask for their forgiveness. I hope it won't be as that bad. "

Jake's voice: Oh but it will.
Arekusu: Shut up Jake!

>Rea : " It might be more than bad because of all years, after all she took you
>away from them. "

>Mina : " I know, but I will be on her side no matter what happens or how bad it
>turns out to be. I won't let anything happen to my mother and I don't care if
>any of them won't like it. I'll leave with her too. "

Arekusu: They're gonna elope like in Vandal Hearts 2. *WHAM!*

>Rea : " . . . . . . "


Sycia: Woohoo! More free tildes!

>= Nerima, Japan =

>* Phone rings *

>Kasumi picks up and answer : " Hello. "

Arekusu: Kekekekeke...what color are your knickers! *makes click sounds*

>Gail stammers in nervous : " H-h-hi, ummm is Mrs. Tendo home? "

>Kasumi in puzzlement : " I'm sorry, Mrs. Tendo had passed away when I was
>young...I'm her daughter, Kasumi and may I ask who this is please? "

>Gail's face suddenly pales with shock : " No, no..It can't be.."

Iori: This can't be!

>Kasumi concerns : " Are you alright, Miss? Please tell me who is this? "

>Gail tries to hold her tears : " It's Gail and you probably won't remember me.
>I was your mother's best friend. I'm very sorry about your mother. "

Jake's voice: Oh but she's not!
Arekusu: I said shut up and I meant it!
Jake's voice: Oh but you didn't.
Arekusu: Grrr..

>Kasumi gasps : " Aunt Gail? Yes, I do remember you. My mother told me us all
>about you and I met you at the hospital. It has been a long time, 17
>years...Please wait and let me go get my father for you. "

Sycia: She had to CAREFULLY plot her murder.

>Gail in pain : " Yes, 17 years's a long time. Thank you. "

>Kasumi put the phone down and runs for her father.

>Kasumi : " Daddy, it's for you. "

Jake's voice: Oh but it...*WA-TAK sounds*
Chibi-chan's voice: Shut up!

>Soun walks over to the phone and picks it up.

>Soun : " Yes. "

All: No.

>Gail chokes : " Hi Soun, it's me, Gail. "

>Soun gasps : " Gail? Is it really you? We haven't heard from you for years. "

>Gail bursts out sobs : " I'm so sorry about your wife and I wasn't there for her. "

Zyzyfer (Gail): I wanted to kill her! WAAAAAAH!
Evans: Never do that again.

>Soun tears: " Please don't blame yourself. She loved you and we didn't forget
>about you. "

>Gail wipes her eyes with fingers : " I will get airplane tickets to Japan from
>California to see all of you. I'll bring someone with me. We'll be there in few
>days and I will come up to your place. "

RJ's voice: Nudge nudge wink wink...

>Soun : " Wonderful! We're looking forward to seeing you. Before you come here,
>please forgive us that this home mightn't be the same without my dear wife and
>daughter, Akane. "

Evans (Soun): Always out sleeping with Ranma...

>Gail gapes in shock : " WHAT?! AKANE? "

>Soun bursts out sobs : " Yes, my dear little girl, Akane died a year ago at

Arekusu (Soun): You died.

>* THUD *

>Gail fainted...

Arekusu: ...! Things don't faint! THEY DIE! REEEH!

>Soun sniffles : " I'm sorry. Please excuse my tears....Hello?? Gail?? Are you
>there? "

>Soun hang up the phone and Kasumi walks up to him.

>Kasumi : " Daddy, is everything okay? "

Arekusu (Soun): She died.
Evans: We get the picture Ikari.

>Soun wipes his eyes with his arm : " Yes, she is going to bring someone with
>her here in few days. "

>Kasumi smiles : " Good, I will make the guest room ready for them. "


Arekusu (Googleshng): Free tildes for all!

>= Mina's home =

>Gail's eyes opens slowly when she heard someone was calling her.

>Mina in petrify

Iori: Good god! She's a gorgon!

> : " MOM! MOM! MOM, WAKE UP!! "

>Gail sits up : " Oh, I'm sorry. Where was I? "

>Gail gasps when she realized. She glances over at phone on the floor and her
>eyes flow with tears.

Arekusu: She found out how much phone sex costs these days...*everyone but Arekusu sighs*

>Mina blinks : " Ma, are you alright? "

>Gail returns her gaze into Mina's golden eyes and starts bursting out to tears.
>Mina embraces her mother. Mina glances over at the phone and she realizes who

Sycia: Shot the sheriff...

>she had called.


>Mina whispers in concern : " Did they say something cruel to you? "

>Gail chokes : " No,no, no. It's not that.."

>Mina's brows slant down : " If that's not the reason then what are you so upset
>about? "

Evans (Gail): I died.

>Gail suddenly screams as she sobs : " I'M SO SORRY THAT YOUR MOTHER AND AKANE
>KNOW!!! "

Arekusu: Awww...poor Ranma. No mass orgy with Akane, Mina, Shampoo, Ukyo and the Black Rose. *more sighing*

>* THUD *

>Mina fainted.....


Zyzyfer: Insert fifty cents or two tokens to continue.

>End of Chapter One....

All: YAY!

>Wha'cha think of this story? *_* Wanna know wha'll happen next story? Go go go
>go for next chapter....Please e-mail me at Kasei011@aol.com. Thanks for
>readin'! ^_^ Hope ya're enjoyin' this...... Special thanks to my great friend,
>David Chappell II for helping me.... ( Hey David, THANK YA & I promise I'll
>finish your lovely blanket as a reward for ya soon. ^_~ )

Sycia: Wow. Look at all that thanks.


Evans: Free dashes! *stuffs them into his pocket*
Zyzyfer: That's a wrap people. We're outta here.

[Reverse Door Sequence]


Arekusu crashes on the couch and yawns, flipping on a nearby TV to watch football while Sycia tries to drag Iori off to one of the bedrooms. Zyzyfer and Evans join Arekusu in the football watching as does Iori, who has Sycia latched onto his foot. Before they get comfortable, the red button flashes and Arekusu throws the remote at it, conveniently muting the TV.


Krizalid: Did you little wussies have fun?


All: No! Get lost! Football!


Krizalid accidentally hits the button in surprise. *fade to black*

>There's no body in the living room.

[Season One MSTings]

Episode 001: Zelgadiss the Rapper - Prologue
Episode 002: The Anime Laws
Episode 003: Zelgadiss the Rapper - I need to be a hero
Episode 004: Time Flies
Episode 005: Zelgadiss the Rapper - You guys can sit in the back

[Season Two MSTings]

Episode 006: Little Boys with Bad Intent
Episode 007: Pure Sex
Episode 008: A Poker Game
Episode 009: Who Am I?

[Shameless Plug Alert]

It's finally happened...

Crowded Street, Advance