"Here piggy piggy piggy..." -Duke Nukem, Planet of the Babes

Mystery Science Theater 3000 & the related characters are owned and copyrighted by Best Brains Inc.
Hellmaster and Shabranigdo are copyrighted by Software Sculptors
Zelgadis Arashi Xeal is copyrighted by moi.
Ryoko Shirou is copyrighted by Emiko (I guess)
Any other thing I forgot to mention is copyrighted to it's owner(s).
Please don't sue; I have no money as is.

"Little Boys with Bad Intent" is owned by Coraks311. No offense is meant by the MSTing of the fic. Just think of it as a funny C&C session. Don't hurt me. Anyway, here we go!

In the very distant future, around 2033,
There was some guys called William Birkin and Dr. Kirk
They were a couple of nutty guys, the crazy man duo
Leon and Regina put them in their place,
But they came back and shot them into space!

(The T-Rex roars)

(Birkin and Kirk singing)
We'll send them weird fanfics,
the weirdest I can find! (la la la!)
We'll make them sit and watch them all,
To torture their puny minds! (la la la!)

(Normal Singers)
Now keep in mind they can't control,
When the fanfics begin or end, (la la la!)
They'll try to keep their sanity,
With the help of a few friends


Ryokooooo! (Gimme the SAKE!)
Hellmaster! (GOLDEN MARBLES!)
Shabranigdoooooo! (Now with small human body!)

If you're wondering how they eat and breath,
And other science facts, (la la la!)
Just repeat to yourself "It's not real! I should really just relax."



[Satellite of Pie]

Zel is sitting at the bridge all alone, messing with a console near the helm when he presses the wrong button and...

[Shirou Tavern]

Ryoko Shirou is sitting at the counter drowning her sorrows in a bottle of sake when she disappears in a bright blue flash.


Hellmaster Phibrizo and Shabranigdo are engaged in a fierce game of chess. Shab, being in human form has the intelligence of one so has moved his king into a dangerous situation and Phib was about to make his move when they disappeared.


Zel is now sitting in the mess hall, sipping from a glass of red colored wine when Ryoko peeks in, spotting him.

Ryoko: Hmm....a guy...fresh meat.

She stalked toward him when Shabranigdo n' Phibrizzo appeared out of nowhere and came crashing down on Ryoko. Among all the screaming and complaining of the trio behind him, Zel set down the empty glass and walked around the new arrivals but stopped when one of them shouted his name.

Zel: Hmm...?
Ryoko: Wai! Zel-sama!

Zel managed to hit the deck as the demoness lunged for him and landed in the entrance of the mess hall.

Zel: Hold on. We're in public...none of that here. *a yellow button flashes on the wall and Zel hits it* We'll be right back.


Announcer: Ever wish you could be an ignorant slut like Ashley? Well now you can! With...BISHOUJO IN A CAN! It even comes with a free Ashley Winchester outfit!
Disclaimer Guy: Prices pending, some restrictions apply.



Zel has just finished explaining how the new arrivals had gotten there and what they had to endure. Ryoko seemed more interested in the speaker himself rather than the explaination but Phib n' Shab just nodded and accepted their fate. Suddenly, the red light flashes and Phibby pushes it. A viewscreen appears out of nowhere and Doctor Kirk appears.

[Umbrella Lab]

Kirk: I don't see the others...where are they?


Zel: Leon is out getting groceries since an automated shuttle comes by here all the time, Claire got back down to Earth and Regina is asleep after a rather long night with Leon. Anything else?


Kirk: Since the others aren't available, I guess I'll skip the Invention Exchange. Your fanfic today is a lovely little Pokélemon called 'Little Boys with Bad Intents'. Enjoy. *lights and sirens go off all over the place*


Phib: Don't look now but we got fanfic sign!

[Door Sequence]

Door 6: Dogbone door. Opens automatically.
Door 5: It's Jill Valentine. She unlocks the door for you. The door opens Resident Evil style.
Door 4: It's a spoon claiming to be a knife. You hold up a knife and respond by saying that your knife is really a knife and the spoon is indeed a spoon. The spoon lets you pass.
Door 3: It's a power pellet. You eat it and devours four blue ghosts before the door unlocks.
Door 2: It's Nemesis. You flee.
Door 1: Sliding patio door.

[Seating Chart from left to right: Zel, Ryoko, Shab and Phib]

Ryoko: This'll be so romantic Zelly...like how we always used to read these before we-
Shab & Phib: Oooooooooooo!!

>*STOP!! If you are under 18 years of age, stop reading now
>and back out.

Zel: *vaguely British* Run away! Run away!

>This is a hentai/lemon. DO NOT distribute this to minors.
>= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
>= = = = = = = = = = = = =

> Little Boys with Bad Intent

Phib: The truth behind the New Kids on the Block.

> Ash, Brock, and Misty (carrying Togapie

Shab: Mmm...pie...

>, of course), were all extremely exhausted.
>They had been hiking almost continuously for 2 days, without
>anything to eat, seeing as how they had eaten the last of the
>food they had with them, after Brock went a little overboard

Ryoko (Brock): Wai! Donuts! Chocolate! SKITTLES! I must indulge!

>with the cooking a few nights ago. After setting up camp,
>Misty and Brock had fallen asleep as soon as they hit the
>sleeping bags. But as tired as he was, Ash was unable to sleep.

Phib: He was too busy planting the bombs to worry about sleep.
Shab (Ash): Where to plant the bomb on Misty...
Zel: Kinky.

>Ever sence they had started their little adventure, he had
>become extremely attracted to

Shab: Warm apple pie...
All but Ryoko: Heh heh heh heh...

>Misty. He wanted to tell her more than anything in the
>world, but he was afraid that if he did, it would jeopardize
>the friendship that had developed between them.

Ryoko: WHAT friendship?

> For two hours, Ash layed on top of his sleeping bag and
>stared at the sky. He truned his head and glanced over at
>the red head next to him.

Phib: Yay! Pikachu has been killed!
All: YAY!!!

> She had fallen asleep on top of her sleeping bag as well.
>Her back was to him, so he had a pretty good veiw of her
>round little ass. It was so perfect and looked so tight, Ash
>couldn't take his eyes off of her.

Zel (Ash): She's just so....UGLY!

> He had completely lost count of how many nights he had
>layed awale, just like this, and thought about what it would
>be like to make love to the tom-boyish fourteen-year-old;

All: *in disbelief* FOURTEEN?! MORE LIKE TWELVE!

> her wet, swollen clit bobbing up and down on his hard cock.
>The mere thought was enough to get his dick erect. He would
>do almost anything to get his hands on her body.

Shab (Ash): TeenyWeeny! I choose you!
Zel: Not stressing on the Teeny part either.

>The male side of his mind started to get the best of him, and
>he just couldn't resist what he was thinking anymore. As
>slowly and quietly as he possible could, Ash began to creep
>ever closer to Misty as she slept, 'til he was laying right
>next to her. Trembling,

Ryoko: In fear as Nemesis was lurking nearby, uttering only one word: STARS....

>he began to stroke and caress the bare skin that was left
>exposed between her shirt and her cut-off jean shorts. The
>moon was out very bright, so Ash used his free hand to prop

Phib: For the cardboard cutout of Ash had fallen over unexpectedly.

>up so her could see her eyes over top of her shoulder, just
>in case she would suddenly wake up from his touching.

Ryoko (Misty): Someone is touching me...BAD PIKACHU! BAD!
Zel: I could've lived a normal life if I hadn't heard that.

> He was enjoying himself immensely, but his attention soon
>began to focus on other regions of Misty's body.

Ryoko: Unable to control himself any longer, a lone purple tentacle emerged from Ash's hand, aimed at Misty's chest. With a fierce roar, the tentacle shot forward and impaled her. The end.
Zel: Feeling dark?
Ryoko: You know it honey.

> He moved his hand to her backside, and began gently
>squeezing her ass cheeks. Without any warning, Misty took a
>deep breath, scaring Ash shitless

Shab: *makes plop sounds*
Phib: Now that's just not right.
Shab: At least I don't lick my balls!
Phib: Shut up! Only Martina licks'em!
Zel & Ryoko: WHAT?!

> as he jumped back into his sleeping bag. His heart was
>pumping so hard from the adrenaline that he thought he was
>going to have a heart attack. He was shaking uncontrolably,

Ryoko: Ash convulsed and died, the end.
Zel: Calm down Ryoko..

> and he felt very cold. After giving himself bout 15 minutes
>to calm down, he again turned around, and was relieved to see
>that Misty had not woken up. Instead, he was absolutely
>thrilled to see that she had roled over on her back. Her
>arms were above her head, her pert little breasts

Zel: Little being the keyword here...men like big boobs.
Ryoko: Oh really?
Zel: ^^; Yours are big...round and so..so...er...nevermind.

>were now sticking up in the air, and her legs were slightly
>spread apart. Ash couldn't stop smiling as he moved back
>next to her. Although he wasn't going to get to rub her ass,
>there were now better possibilities open to him. Ash started
>rubbing Misty's stomach.

Shab: And then, Ash pressed his giant deformed right hand to Misty's mouth and forced the embyro down her throat where it would grow into a new monster.
Zel: Resident Evil refrence day on the SoP.

>"God DAMN, she is so SOFT!" he thought as the texture of her
>skin pusated through his hand. Sense she was'nt waking up,
>Ash began to get a little more daring. Sitting up, he

Ryoko: Sprouted a tentacle and shoved it through her head.

>carefully undid the hooks on her suspenders, and layed them
>out to her sides. Once he had layed back down, he put his
>back on her stomach, and slid it up her shirt, very slowly.

Zel: Soooooooo sloooooooooowlyyyyyy...
Phib: Juuuuuuust doooooon't gooooot thhhhhhhhhe poooooooower...

>Ash moved his hand over one of Misty's breasts, and began
>squeezing it and running his fingers around her nipple. It
>was obvious that Misty had just started puberty onyl a

Shab: Day ago.
All: Ewwwwwwww...

>few years ago, and her tits were still quite small, they were
>more than enough to please

Zel: Sick guys with no lives who write lemons.

>Ash. Even though she was sleeping, the combination of the
>stimuli Ash was providing and the cool night air blowing up
>her shirt, got her nipples hard in no time. Ash started
>playing with them; pinching them and pulling on them.


>They entire time, Misty just layed there and slept. Once
>again, Ash was enjoying himself, but he still wanted more.
>He wanted to get those stiff little nipples

Zel: Little being the keyword again.

>in his mouth, if just for a few seconds. As carefully as he
>could, he tried to pull her little yellow shirt high enough to

Shab: Safely place a block of C4.

>get it over her breasts, which was no easy task, seeing as
>how she was lieing on half of it.

Ryoko (Misty): Shirt...I'm really fourteen!
Zel (Shirt): LIAR!

>But, with much persistence, Ash was finally able to
>accomplish his mission.

Phib: He activated his self-destruct device.
Zel: Ash pulls a Heero.

>Misty's tits were now exposed for Ash to behold in their full
>glory in the moonlight. He layed back down, propped himself
>up on one arm, and resumed playing with her right breast.
>After several seconds of rubbing Misty's other breast on his
>face, he took her nipple into his mouth.

Zel: And choked on it and died, the end.
Ryoko: Who's feeling dark now?
Zel: I am. I know how much you like that babe.

>Misty took another one of her deep sleep filled breaths, but
>after the event that occured a few minutes ago, Ash knew that
>she wasn't waking up

Ryoko (Misty): HENTAI! *WA-TAK!*
Zel (Ash): You're not supposed to wake up! It's in the script!

>, so he continued sucking her nipple. He must have sucked a
>little too hard, though, because it wasn't long after that a
>small moan escaped from her throat,

Ryoko: I dunno...Zel can do a good job with that too...
Phib & Shab: Oooooooooooo!!

> and she started to roll back and forth repeatedly. Ash
>again jumped back to his sleeping bag, but this time kept
>one eye half open to see what was going on.

Zel (Ash): ...I didn't know Brock felt that way about Pikachu.

> After Misty's little bought of rolling, she came to rest on
>her back again, but after Ash emerged from his hide away, he
>discovered that her legs were now spread wide apart.


> He managed to contain himself, and after watching the girl
>for a time to make sure she was still asleep, he resumed his
>quest for satisfaction. Ash positioned himself so

Zel: The tentacle in his hand was aimed right for her right eye.

>that he was sitting between her thighs. He leaned forward
>and nuzzled her pubic bone, taking in the sent of her virgin
>pussy. Ash started rubbing her inner thighs, and slid

Phib: To third, the bases we're filled.
Shab (Announcer): It's all up to Brock as he steps up to the plate!

>his hands up what little bit of pants legs she had on. When
>his fingers reached to touch her womanhood, Ash was shocked
>to find out that Misty didn't ware panties.

Ryoko: Lemon cliché #47.
Zel: I thought it was #356
Phib: #87856
Shab: #5?

>That thought

Zel: Disgusted him.

>made him twice as horny as he was, if such a thing is
>possible. He pinched and rubbed her outer lips gently,
>relishing the texture of the wetness that had leaked out in
>her sleep.

Ryoko (Misty): Zzz...*glubglubglub*
Phib (Ash): Oh shit. She's starting to snore up water again.

>Stopping for a second to press his palm against her pussy, he
>used on hand to spread her lips open, and explore with the
>other. He loved the way she felt, so soft and smooth.

Shab: On the inside, crispy and crunchy on the outside....ugh...I feel dirty.

>He could feel the first little whisps of her growning pubic
>hair tickling his hands. He removed one hand, letting her
>pussy lips close around his fingers, and used his new found
>freedom to start stroking his erection, which by now had
>become extemely painful.



Ryoko: To Ashes.

>exploration of continued until he found what he was looking
>for; that special little spot that he had longed to touch for
>so long. He pressed a finger against her hole, feeling the
>tightness of her hymen.

Zel: Gasp in awe at the lack of knowledge of the internal design of the female.

>Misty's breathing got heavier and her hands made two


>small fists. But Ash didn't notice, he was in his own little
>world. He just couldn't handle the preasure anymore, and he
>plunged his finger as far into her pussy as he could.

Phib: Then his other hand, feet, arms, legs and torso.
Zel: Someone's been reading Chibi-usa's 7th Birthday.

>As he wiggled his fingers around inside her, enjoying the
>moment for all it was worth, he began to feel her body move
>around. Ash looked up, without even borthering to

Ryoko: Get ready to kiss the sky.

>take his finger out of her pussy, and he froze. What he saw
>was Misty, holding herself up with her arms, her shirt still
>held up over her tits, staring him right in the face.


>"Ash," she said quietly, "what are you doing?"

Zel (Ash): Well...I was trying to do you.

>To be continued....


[Reverse Door Sequence]

Door 1: You slid the door shut.
Door 2: Nemesis chases you the moment he sees you. You flee again.
Door 3: The ghosts are still gone. You slam the door in Nemesis' face.
Door 4: The spoon is being used by Jowy to open a lock. You blink and move on.
Door 5: Jill is sitting beside a big pile of zombies, gatling gun in hand. She smiles and the guys drool.
Door 6: The dogbone hits Shabranigdo while closing.


The guys are sitting in front of TV, watching a football game.

Zel: Well that was disgusting...
Phib: Yeah.
Shab: .......
Ryoko: Um...the White Wolves are calling. *pushes the red button*


Birkin: Dude...who's playing?


Zel: Vikings and the Packers...
Phib & Shab: Gooooo Vikings!


Birkin: Fools! Only Minnesota farmers root for that horrible team!


Zel, Phibrizo and Shabranigdo are now dressed in overalls, still focused on the game.



Birkin: ...........


Ryoko: Stop watching the damn game Zel.
Zel: .......
Ryoko: Fine! I'll MAKE you!

Ryoko proceeds in dragging Zel away. Loud sounds follow.


Birkin: IDIOTS! Kirk! Push the button!

The Only and True End

>But, with much persistence, Ash was finally able to accomplish his mission.

[Season One MSTings]

Episode 001: Zelgadiss the Rapper - Prologue
Episode 002: The Anime Laws
Episode 003: Zelgadiss the Rapper - I need a hero
Episode 004: Time Flies
Episode 005: Zelgadiss the Rapper - You guys can sit in the back

[Season Two MSTings]

Episode 006: Little Boys with Bad Intent